Trapped by Emotions

Everybody hurts

I couldn't believe what happened that evening, I hadn't known that Rosalie loved me more than just a friend, nor that she had any kind of feelings towards me. I thought I was just her friend and nothing more. I realized that night that I had been wrong the whole time. Rosalie's lips were so warm and mild that one could melt by kissing them, her perfume scent was so strong that I felt like I was on drugs as I sniffed it. Rosalie was a short girl so my neck hurt a bit as I was kissing her so long, but I never wanted to stop that perfect moment. However, when we stopped, she looked really confused and her eyes looked as if she would start crying, but she just said to me with a quiet voice to come with her, she lent me an umbrella, we kissed one more time and then I went home. On the one side I had been happy because of that what happened that night, but on the other, I was miserable, because I knew what that meant, I hurt my friend, my BEST friend I had in my life...

 I didn't know what to do, but something had to be done, I realized that the best thing to do would be a discussion with Rosalie. I tried to escape a bit from my reality through music, it didn't help so I started reading Kafka's famous novel, «The Trial». It lasted for some time since Kafka was my favourite writer, he was a genius if you ask me, but I realized that escaping won't help, I felt afraid as I was logging into my facebook and when I logged, I realized I had full right to be afraid, I had 4 unread messages, I opened Tom's first, the message said «HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR FRIEND?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU MAN, YOU TWO WERE LIKE BROTHERS, Rosalie is going to hear me today and you and I have some things to discuss, I am awaiting your reply» I knew it was going to be something like that. Second was from Rosalie, quoting «Deim, please don't say anything to Harry, you realize now that I really love you, those hearts that I had written to you in our messages meant love, Harry is not my type, I really wanted him to love me and I liked him, but he doesn't mean anything to me since I wanted only to get to you, if you don't like me you can push me away, but I want you to know that I really liked you as a friend and I wish to be with you» - she also wrote three hearts and one «kissy» and one «crying» smile at the end. Third message was from Harry, I read that message while feeling like a «criminal» and «shit», it said «Hey man, we should go out tonight, but without girls, don't you remember those good times when you, Percy, Tony, Tom and I were going out, let's repeat it shall we?» - it was sad reading this message since I was feeling really bad while reading it, knowing what had happened and that it could really break his heart, first Rosalie by breaking up with him and then me, who was his best friend as he finds out what had happened. I wanted to die that morning and I fell into tears, I was crying for 15 minutes, when afterwards I got a call from Tom who was really upset and agitated, he said he wanted Rosalie and I to meet him at the park at Lion's street in thirty minutes. Before I started dressing up I read the final facebook message, it was from Trixie saying: «Deim, you are such a fool, Rosalie was into you from the beginning, but you'd never seen it because you were such a proud guy and you were so wasted that time on the festival, Tom said that to me so she sought solace in Harry, but I can see that you are smart, but believe me, Rosalie is a real girl for you, she never found her prince, only a lot of frogs» - I guess that was the first time in my life that I had to agree with her. I went out to meet with Tom and Rosalie was there, we didn't hug, we were just watching each other with sorrow in our eyes. Tom asked us what had happened between us and how, it seems he saw us hugging and kissing that night when I waved to him and Trixie. I explained to him that I didn't know how, that Rosalie was just rushing to me and hugged me, and then we kissed, I confessed to him that I loved, but that I was afraid of her and of course, that I couldn't get to her because I thought she loved Harry. Rosalie confirmed my story, but said that she never loved Harry as much as she was trying to get to me. I was pleased to hear that, but it was weird, trying to get to me and ending up with my best friend, in my mind I was like «what the hell?». Tom was very confused and he even seemed a bit angry, he told us that we had to tell Harry, no matter what it takes and threatened us that if we wouldn't do it, he would do it himself. I actually agreed with him since Harry was my best friend, I really wanted him to know, but I was so afraid what would happen between us and our relation, but I guessed it was my fault one way or another. Rosalie also agreed with Tom since she didn't want to hurt Harry, but she was also suffering herself. Rosalie and I agreed to tell him on Saturday when we would go out, we told Tom to organise some party at his place so no one could bother us and there would be only our company. He agreed to do it and so I was preparing the whole night as I arrived home for the destiny that awaits me, Harry even called me on skype that evening, I answered the call just to tell him that we were having a party at Tom's place this Saturday, he was looking forward to it and he tried to start a conversation with me, I told him that I was really tired and that I'm off to bed so I disconnected from skype and shut down my computer. I went to bed, but couldn't fall asleep, so I continued reading Kafka's Trial. I finally fell asleep when it was 3 a.m. in the morning...