Journey Into My Mind

I'm At A War With Love and Trust

Lately I've been laying down sleeping all of my pain away
Even when it's hot and sunny, it still feels like a rainy day
Life's been hurting it feels like no one can save me, great but that's the price you pay when you trust someone else to stay with faith
I must understand that people aren't built like me
Lying through your teeth is not a problem, but it is for me
Even though I'm alive, it's inside where I feel deceased
I put my trust in someone else and now I'm gonna unleash the beast

I did it once and I never will again
Too many people out there that take my kindness for weakness and try to hide what they can
They're ashamed of what they did but that's none of my biz
I'd rather be depressed with no one than to be lied to again
I'm tired of all this hurting
No one ever deserves it
Inside I feel like I'm burning
And now you made me feel worthless

Life's a gamble, you'll never know what you'll get
Feels like the stress of life is never going to end
Try to find your peace because the lessons never end
I feel like I've felt heaven and been through hell and I'm not even dead yet
I've got issues, but you don't know what I've been and been put through
I'll never use that as an excuse, but there's a lot I hold into
I've been holding in this pain and I notice that it's getting in the way
I pray to Lord every night just to give me strength and I fucking pray to God that nobody can relate

My mind is racing moving miles a minute, so many thoughts running through it but I gotta stay in it
I've set my goals I've been working I've been dying to get it
And I don't care if I'm crying cuz I won't stop 'til I finish
I can change lives and inspire the great minds that listen but have trouble emerging
Trying to keep moving through all the pain, but I wonder if it's worth it
All of the people that did me wrong are now drowning in guilt and regret
Because I managed to make it this far without them

You were once a blessing, but then you turned into a lesson
The second you started treating me different left me guessing
The worst is coming for you now, I see I was never that special
Karma is a bitch and you'll pay me back in full
I cut many people of, fuck them all, moved them to the side, for you
But I now know that they're all toxic to my grind, including you
I made good memories with you and sadly you are now just a memory
All because you've ignored how much you fucking meant to me
You're still all I think about and it fucks me up mentally
Keeps me up at night but I just pretend to be,
unfazed by the past but I'm not gonna lie though
Everything that has happened still plays through my mind though

Vivid pictures running through my mind kinda like a slideshow
Sucks cuz I can see it even better with my eyes closed
I know the type of people I should keep out
The ones that lie to me but say they're proud
Fuck this bullshit, you have nothing to say now
Get the fuck out and don't let the door hit you on the way out

[You used to love me, but as soon as you see someone else, you chase him like crazy. Now I know you were just pretending because of what I had to offer, not for who I really am inside]