Journey Into My Mind

why is it so hard?

I know that some of the things I write may sound selfish, self-contradictory, or sounds like I think that the world revolves around me, but I honestly don't think that. There's nothing for me to take for granted, everything I say is just the way I perceive things and I know I'm not the only one out there suffering. That's why I want to find someone like me who has been through what I did and will stay with me no matter what. I've met someone like that but it had to end sadly because she changed while I've been the same person that she used to love the whole time. I don't need to change for her. I want her to accept me the way she used to before because I'm fine the way I am. I don't want her to change me for her selfish standards. If she cared about and loved me, none of this would've happened. If I have to take the blame then so be it. I'll fix things myself if it means I can get to her. I'll make her feel stupid for ever doubting me and wanting to leave me. I know I have to change the way I think, but if you're like me who's been through and seen a lot, it's damn near impossible to change the way I view the world and the way people are. She says I'm just like everyone else that she despises, but deep down she knows I've been the best thing that has ever happened to her. Sadly, she took me for granted without even knowing. So she uses her anger and her past as an excuse to make up a reason why she has to leave me. Some of it is my fault, but when she makes mistakes I still stuck around.

So why was it so hard for her to do the same for me? Answer is simple. She never wanted me to begin with 💔