dear diary » shawn mendes

15

Wednesday, July 13th 2016, 8.34 pm, Athens
Claire's pov

Dear Diary,
I miss his hazel eyes, that use to sparkle in the sunlight, the bright smile he gives me every time we meet, but not anymore. I miss his tight hugs and the warm tone of his voice. I miss him, more than ever.

"Claire? Are you still there?" Matthew asks.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking a bit" I say and put together the diary.
I'm sitting on the balcony talking with Matt as I write in my diary.

"He left for tour today" Matt says and I nod, even though he can't see it.

"Okay" I reply emotionless, with a thousand emotions inside me.

"Haven't you texted him or called him yet?" he asks.

"Matt, please, can we talk about something else?" I ask quickly.

"Sure.. Are you coming back?" he asks. A tear falls down over my cheek.

"Matt, I don't know" I answer.

"What are you thinking about doing then?" he asks. The balcony door opens and Everleigh comes out with ice tea.

"I don't know, we'll see" I say and look at Everleigh who smiles. I mouth to her, asking if she wants to talk to Matt, and she nods excitedly.

"Everleigh wanna talk, love you" I say and prepare to give Everleigh my phone.

"Okay, love you too, sis" he says and I give Everleigh my phone.

"Hi Matt!" she says excited with a smile on her lips. I smile and take the glass with ice tea and listen to their conversation.

The street underneath us is lit up with street lights, and laughter of people fill the neighborhood.

I pick up my diary again and start my conversation with it as always.

I need to get Shawn out of my mind but I can't. Every time I fall asleep I see his sparkling hazel eyes, the smile and his soft curls.
Damn it, how do I stop thinking about him?

I go to my room and sit down in my bed. On the night table it's a picture in a frame. I pick it up and look at it. Are you surprised if I tell you it's a picture of me and Shawn together? No, I thought so.
I know I want to get him out of my mind, but he's still my best friend, or was -I actually don't know where we are-, and I can't just throw that away. I sit on my bed and look at the photo until Everleigh comes back with my phone.

"So, what did he say?" I ask and look up at her smiling face.

"Not much, he just asked how I was doing and stuff like that" she says and sits down next to me.

I put away the picture and she hands me my phone.

"I know you're having it tough, Claire" she sighs as she sits down on my bed.

"Everything's fine. You're doing all you can for me, don't think about it even more" I say and look down at my hands.

"But you're my friend, Claire, and I want you to me happy" she says and I turn my head towards her.

"I am happy, and I really appreciate everything you do for me, I just need to somehow, get him out of my mind" I say and she tilts her head easily.

"Or.." she starts. "... you call him, or whatever, and fix this, tell him everything; how you feel, why you moved, basically everything" she says.

"You know I can't.." I sigh.

"Nope, I know you can, there's nothing stopping you" she gives me a soft smile.

"No, or, it's he who's stopping me, kinda.. What if he doesn't feel the same, what if he doesn't care, because he hates me" I say with my eyebrows furrowed in a sad look.

"What if he feels the same, that he loves you, and misses you like crazy, what if he thinks you hate him?" she says.

"I don't think so" I say and look at the picture of us. "Can I be alone?" I ask and she nods.
She walks out through the door and closes it behind her.

I lay down in my bed and pick up my phone.
One text won't hurt right?

message from: claire
hey.. heard ur tour started, you'll rock it
[deleted]

I should've sent it, right? I guess I'm just too scared.

I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
Everleigh sits in the white couch in the living room and watches tv.

"I'll take an early night, goodnight, Ever" I tell her.

"Alright. Goodnight, Claire" she smiles gently at me.
I walk over to my bedroom and wrap myself in the blanket.
The picture on my night table distracts me. I take it in my hands and look at it, the other second I lay it under my bed.

Time heals all wounds, right?

I fall asleep. A relief every time.

**

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