tomcat do you even know how to speak truthfully for once? you can only speak the truth of positivity but never the cold aching painful feelings that have been engraved in you like botflies
why wont it stop
i have to lie
so
much more
than i used to
birthday is coming, smack a smile on your face for the 2 friends coming
they're the only ones who even pay attention to me even for a bit
...
i lie about how i have sam as a best friend
reality is that, she has more friends and a much better reputation than me
im just the undercat
the runt
nobody likes the runt
even if the runt is the harshest and most dangerous
i couldve killed her if i didnt let go
i couldve sent that guy who called me a whore to the health office if i had my blade
with me
why do i have the deepening thoughts of killing someone when the only one who deserves it is me
why not keep lying to me like you did that one time
why did you tell me this reason but it was something else
did you have to lie to me
im still hurt
you didnt have to lie
you know id understand
but you still lied
you dont have any idea on how much you hurt me
you hurt me so much
but
i cant hurt you back because im not going to make you feel that same way
i'll still love you and make you feel special, i'll be loyal to you even if you dont want me anymore
i'll still defend you even if you spat curses at me
...
but i'll never hurt you
i can't hurt royalty, im just the peasant thats been on the death penalty for ages but its being stalled.
im so sorry i lie to you
why cant i just tell you directly
you probably read this
maybe you dont say anything
but maybe you do
im so sorry
i m sorry
that im such a coward that i cant even tell you directly on how much pain you've caused me
im so sorry
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry
when you meet please slap me
just hit me just hurt me
just keep doing it
i deserve it so much
for the worry i cause you
for the horror when i told you i started to cut
everything
if i never admitted my feelings to you last year you would have found someone better and less depressing.
if you are to break my heart,
please
do it
harshly
give me the reason to give up
give me up
tell me that you hate me and never loved me
tell me that you're tired of me
so i can die knowing you dont need the pain of loving someone who isnt here anymore
because i dont want you to go through the same heartbreak
YOU ARE READING
not your cup of tea (venting)
Randomtw : this will include depressing and suicidal themes as it is a vent book. occasionally i will share vent drawings that may cause some bad thoughts to you. a/n : i share this because im still hoping somebody will help me i cant breathe anymore. im...
