attack on titan ; one-shots [DISCONTINUED]

cold touch // levi ackerman

modern au! college au!
TW: angst (because I love drama and tears) and swearing
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you honestly wondered how it came to this, how it got worse, how it all came to an end. you never knew what was going on in his mind and you still don't know, even after 7 fucking long years that seemed like paradise for you. you loved him to no end, but you never saw how he stopped feeling the same.

you loved levi ackerman, there was no doubt in it. you would do whatever he wanted, after all, your parents had left you as a disgrace and he helped you back on your two feet, but only to make you fall for him. the moment you confessed and received a yes as an answer, never have you and happier. every hour, day, week, month and year, you thought about him. when he was far, you missed his cold touch and how he would send you his rare smiles.

you wondered how the topic of break up came up to his mind, was he not satisfied with you? you knew there was no other woman, if there it would've been much easier, you knew it wasn't because he was moving elsewhere or something like that, both went to the same college and class after all.

the apartment was just as silent as it had ever been, levi was always quiet but this time it seemed as if everything was dead, your surroundings where dead, hell, you haven't even cleaned the house from how dead you were yourself. music wouldn't make it any better, books wouldn't be much of a help, not even the neighbour's dog you played with so often helped.

you saw him everyday much to your dismay, he always looked the same as ever, as unreadable as ever, your heart ached. nobody knew about the break up between the both of you, and nobody even came to ask why everything had been awkward, but it was better this way. it felt better that way.

every night you would cry your eyes out, miraculously you never seemed to be dehydrated from much you'd cry, tubs and tubs of ice cream, bottles and bottles of alcohol, masses and masses of cigarettes.

how much worse could you get?

you clearly noted the difference in yourself by each passing day, dark bags under your eyes, lips had gone long dry, pale skin almost looking like a ghost and hair looking a birds' nest. you didn't even seem to care about yourself anymore. even after eating mostly junk food, you seemed just as thin, almost like a skeleton since sometimes you would starve and maybe for days.

you would read over and over the messages between you and levi, you would read your diary from the day you met levi and onwards, you would look at the pictures of you and him together; you were pathetic. the urge to burn all those things would always rise but soon die down when remembering about him and your now broken relationship.

your friends were worried, worried that from hours you first missed in class that soon became days, turning into weeks and now cutting off their calls. they haven't seen in almost three months and vice versa, you didn't even keep track of time. you didn't know it had already been three months since your break and the start of your miserable depressing season.

before you knew, you were officially depressed that was more than clear. it was obvious levi ackerman didn't give even a flying fuck about you anymore, you saw that, about two days ago when in the convenience store at 4am while going after more tequila you needed the most. your new best friend.

the way he looked at you, even after taking a look at your state, he walked past you without saying a word, he didn't seem to know you. but you couldn't say anything either.

it was as if your world had broken down completely. the "I love you, (y/n)" was no longer heard in the back of your mind, your world had gone cold and dull.  it was as if you decided for yourself you couldn't function without levi, you couldn't breath properly without levi, you needed him as a source of life.

levi this, levi that. you came back home from a walk, you texted your friends apologies for leaving them hanging the last three months, you gave the key to your neighbour and told the old lady that she would need to call the number at the back of the key in at least about an hour, right after that, you texted levi.

'thanks for everything.' was the only thing you sent.

you were drowning in despair, maybe even worse than that, it felt as if you were shot multiple times, so many times that you stopped feeling the bullets. you decided to just take the bullets instead.

the water was freezing cold, you only stared up at the ceiling blankly as you no longer felt anything, and your body, cold to touch.

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i am actually sobbing from depressing this was