A Trip Inside My Head

5

We had a meal together, I don't remember the last time I had such a great company, we talked for minutes asking each other random things about our worlds while drinking that sweet royal wine, and I instantly started wondering if all the royal stuff tasted good!

"Y-your family must be worried sick about you, it will take us some days to locate the portal and send you back home" I wasn't sure what to say exactly, my parents hate me for no reason and they might celebrating right now that I'm gone.

"They won't even notice my disappearance believe me, I would just die and no one will notice" I said after cracking a smile, "they already have another daughter they care about".

"Oh... I see" she seems a little lost, "at least your parents are alive..." dammit, don't do this to me I don't know how to handle such situations!!

"Do you have a pencil and papers?" I asked

"Yes of course, what for-"

"Hush! no questions for now"

She handed me a stack of empty papers and some pencils, I shared them with her while she was staring at me curiously.

"Whenever I wanna say something and fail to explain it I write it down, so here" pointing at the papers, "you'll write how you feel and think in one page and I will do the same thing, I'll let you read mine if you hand me yours and tell me if you need any help, I do this thing practically everyday since I have no one to talk to, it became my new hobby"

Leia won't enjoy reading about my life, it's a big freaking complicated mess that I myself don't understand, I made sure to write more things about myself instead of writing about those three strangers I live with.

She's an only child too, almost two years older than me and she has been ruling this kingdom since she was 18, I was struggling to wake up and find my socks at that time, I still do but meh.
Her highness mentioned something about the holy spirits and some crap they believe in, said she can't make a decision without asking them first, dude! This place is really amazing, she also said she loves to wake up early and ride around on her horse, the population isn't that huge and everyone lives peacefully here, take notes people of Earth! I'm still in the same planet okay nevermind.

We both wrote one page without adding lots of details, just the important stuff.
I'm looking at her from the corner of my eye studying her movements, she's slowly reading my paper smiling from time to time, maybe she got to the part where I mentioned fucking the guts out of my mother's best friend when I was angry? I'll show myself out as soon as they find that damned portal and then I will go live in Alaska or some shit.

"You're a musician" she has such a wonderful smile

"You're a Queen" I couldn't help but remind her

"It's all fun and games until they wake you up in the middle of the night because someone from the other side of the kingdom gave birth and they want my blessing"

"You're kidding right?"

"Not at all, oh and I forgot to mention that I go hunting, that one is fun" she's smiling again, my poor little nonexistent cold heart is melting.

"There's something I didn't quite understand, the last two lines you wrote something about a commitment tradition that happens only once to every leader" I guess she got tired and bored of writing so she didn't finish or is it because we made a deal of writing one page only?

"I knew you'd ask..." her smile vanished in a blink of an eye, "the holy spirits I talked about are the spirits of the all the previous leaders, we believe that when we die we all meet and gather our knowledge and power to help the current leader, we also have a sacred place where we can talk to them and feel them" I wonder if she knows that Santa doesn't exist, "that's why I said I can't make any decision without asking then first, and as for the commitment part that I couldn't explain due the the length of the page, it's something my people believe is more than sacred, it's heavenly divine! Let's me explain in short words" you better do before my head explodes.

"The spirits can choose our partners with whom we are supposed to share our lives with" that's very sexist and offending. "The holy spirits are never wrong..."

"Um, what if the couple don't get along with each other or keeps fighting?"

"It miraculously never happened, I know this sounds crazy but the spirits can find our soulmates and guide us to them before we know it" she's still talking about the spirits and the holy crap they do, I'm sure she wouldn't be saying this if they had Tinder.

We started reading some random books she has in her shelves, then she chose her favorite book "Letters To Milena" by Franz Kafka after she mentioned it was her parents' favorite book too and they used to read it to her, and now she's reading it to a lost stranger from another dimension of this crazy world, she's reading it out loud for both of us, this was a long journey that lasted one day but felt like months, I was laying next to her as she was reading;

"I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones. Basically it is nothing other than this fear we have so often talked about, but fear spread to everything, fear of the greatest as of the smallest, fear, paralyzing fear of pronouncing a word, although this fear may not only be fear but also a longing for something greater than all that is fearful."

To those lines and the sound of her musical voice I fell deeply asleep, I needed it so bad after everything, this is far from perfect though it's far from being put into simple words I hardly closed my eyes because I wanted to look at her one more time, I didn't wanna waste a second even sleeping but I had to, stupid human necessities.