A Trip Inside My Head

18

I waited much longer than expected, hours passed and I'm still sitting alone in Leia's bedroom, no news yet, I haven't heard a word from her nor anyone else so I don't know what's happening and I can't help but overthink the situation.

Now that I think about it, I don't recall a happy moment in my life without Leia in it, I wish I could do something for her like she's standing against her people to keep me around and who knows what might happen, not that I wanna pay her back or anything but I just want her to understand how much she means to me.

Around this time last year, I don't clearly remember everything but I know I was fighting with my parents as usual, drunk fucking around with no single idea about what's gonna happen neither what I'm gonna do, and to be honest I still don't know what I'm gonna do even now but things have changed, I changed and if anyone told my past self that something like this might happen I wouldn't have believed it, and I'm not talking about how I found myself in this world at first place, but meeting the Queen and falling in love, seriously? I never felt anything like this before, there's a first time for everything after all.

"Hey.. Alexia, are you awake?" her voice...

"I am now, I think I've fallen asleep waiting for you"

"Can I sleep next to you?"

"No need to ask" something's wrong, "wait, is everything okay?"

"We'll talk tomorrow, all I need right now is to hug you and forget about everything else"

"Okay sure.." I'm worried and can't hide it.

"Alexia..." Leia looks tired and sad, I wouldn't understand why she's like this unless she tell me but I'm trying to be there for her

"Yes my Queen?" she buried her sad face in my shoulder so I can't see it

"I love you"

"I know"

"You do?"

"Yeah well I can feel it, and you know I love you too"

"Y-yes.."

"We'll talk tomorrow about whatever it is that's bothering you, okay? I'm not going anywhere anyway"

Silence covered the room and we still couldn't sleep, time was running slow and I wished for the sun to rise as soon as possible while waiting for tomorrow, the tomorrow that never came.

The shades of the sunrise woke me up as they slowly penetrated the room through the window, and I was alone in an empty bed again.. Leia must be busy as usual and I cannot even complain.

I miss her even when she's here, and to be honest I had many things in my mind that I wanted to say to her but I always end up not saying anything and not expressing my thoughts, perhaps because I suck at talking and using words in general, or maybe because I get lost in her precious eyes, either way I don't wanna bother her.

On my way to the garden I noticed that everyone was in a hurry and heard some of the guards talk about some kind of event but they quickly switched to their weird language and I can't understand a word of it.

The Queen was nowhere to be found and I don't really know anyone here I can ask, what would I even say to them?, "excuse me, the woman I love is busy being a Queen, have you seen her around?", no no.

"Uh, excuse me..." I ended up asking

"Yes?" she was a random maid in the castle and I couldn't just go around without a clue of what's happening

"I don't know anyone here except for the Queen but she must be busy, do you mind telling me what's going on?"

"Oh haven't you heard?" obviously not

"What?"

"The yearly event when all the important people of the kingdom gather around and pray to the holy spirits, it's also the time to find a partner for our Queen" oh yeah, I almost forgot

"So, when will they finish?"

"The ceremony hasn't started yet, it takes a while from the sunset to the next sunrise"

"Thank you for your time, I'll get going"

"You don't wanna join?"

"No I'm afraid there's no place for me in there"

The damned ceremony, I'm not angry or anything but why didn't she tell me it was today? Fucking stupid spirits and stupid shit, what kind of belief is that? And what kind of mature person can actually believe that there are dead people who can choose her life partner for her? Dumb crap.

I wanna sleep for 2 days at least until this gathering crap is done and I can see Leia again, I don't understand why she left without a word, she looked like she had a lot on her mind the last time I saw her and she promised to talk to me about it, the talking was supposed to happen this morning when I woke up but she wasn't here, as fucking usual she wasn't here.

Time is passing slower than I thought, I tried reading, listening to music and took 2 showers just to help pass the time, but it's just noon. I have to wait until morning and I'm not sure if I can even sleep.

What is it like? That stupid ceremony I mean, I'm trying to picture it and all I could think of is a bunch people making a circle with candles and humming to the spirits or saying some weird shit with their weird language.

I miss her.

They won't choose some creepy person that I don't even know to marry her right? Because I'm going to fucking kill them, I'm not even joking.

I might be overreacting, am I overreacting? I really hope not, I mean we're together and since those supposedly spirits can sense everything they'll know that too right? They can't just choose someone else for her while I'm around, I shouldn't be thinking about all this now.

I hate waiting.