A Trip Inside My Head

10

Was I just dreaming this whole time living inside my head? The things I felt can't be just a bunch of scenarios made up by my inner bitch and the girl I met wasn't just an illusion.

I'm laying in bed still trying to figure out what happened, I can tell this is a hospital but how? The last thing I remember was walking through that invisible portal and then everything else is blank, I'm feeling empty again I guess this is reality.

A nurse came to my room after realizing that I'm awake, she checked on me and asked how I'm feeling but I didn't answer, I'm just looking at the walls and thinking; I miss her, whether it was all a dream or a part of reality, I fucking miss her.

My parents are here too acting all worried and shit, I can't hear anyone around me, the doctor said something about my health and mentioned that I fell so hard and hurt my head while my parents were looking at me in pity, this can't be the end and no matter what it is I cannot accept it.

Is Leia okay? I'm wondering if she feels the same and I really hope she will remember me because there's no way I'd forget about her, I sound very pathetic, where's the reckless careless girl who never develops any feelings for anyone? But the Queen isn't just anyone, she's worth the pain and the heartbreak, I can't believe I'm saying this, I wish we could've had more time just a little more time then maybe we might get a chance, yeah and then the 'spirits' will choose some douchebag as her soulmate and I'll go fuck a shoe.

My father was talking to some detectives earlier, I think they will come ask me about what happened, I'm not ready dammit what can I say? I fell on my head and also in love? I can't be with the woman I love because we're from two different worlds? This is crazy, I am going crazy.

I'm not talking to anyone, the nurse was saying that I should eat something but I nodded to decline, my parents are outside the hospital room and I don't wanna talk to them I have nothing to say anyway, no one came to ask me what happened perhaps my father took care of it too, he hates it when the media starts talking about his family.

"How are you feeling today Alex?" my mother suddenly walked to the room asking the stupidest question I've ever heard

"Today? Like you cared how I felt yesterday"

"You left yesterday..." what is she talking about?

"What day is it?"

"It's Friday." I left in a Thursday evening and spent what felt like a year in Skotein, technically three days but what is she saying here?

"Where did you find me?"

"The woods, an hour away from where we last saw you, we canceled dinner and drove back but we didn't find you at home and it got us worried, you never left like that"

"I- I wasn't just dreaming" I whispered with my eyes tearing up but I think she heard me

"What-" I could hardly stand up

"I have to go- go back"

My mother started screaming for help, the nurses came tryna hold me back as I was pushing and kicking everyone around me, my father came running with the doctor and it feels like the whole hospital is watching, am I losing my mind?

They injected me and it wasn't nice, last time I got injected I woke up in Leia's bed and now I'm in my room with two nurses and a security guy standing in my door, I think this is my father's doing, damn that control freak.

"Can we have a little chat?" my father just showed up in front of me

"I have nothing to talk about" I turned the volume up as I was listening to the radio

"Alex, you got a big hit on the head"

"I'm clearly awake now"

"Don't you wanna talk about what happened to you the other night?"

"Nothing happened!!" I yelled

My mother came in too, brought me food I couldn't touch and I asked them to leave me alone saying I'm so tired but I just wanna bury myself inside my pillow and die.

3am; I can't sleep I can't even close my eyes without seeing the Queen, no it wasn't just a dream and I'm not crazy! Well I practically am but not that kind of crazy, I have to go there again, I don't care what happens to me I need to understand what's going on inside my head dammit.

Everyone's asleep, I changed and carried my backpack with some extra clothes and my notebook, quietly went to the balcony I'm used to sneak out already, it's less than a meter away from the ground I can easily jump anytime.

I don't know where the portal is so I should get myself lost again, I can try to remember where the woods are but I'm not sure where I fell, I took my old bicycle from the garage and left the house from the backdoor, it wasn't that hard since there was no one there, the hardest part is yet to come.

5:30am; I am still walking trying to remember how it looked like but it was dark at the time, I walked and I walked until I started feeling like my legs couldn't carry me anymore, there was this huge tree I remember sitting next to before the fall, they kind of all look alike but the other one was weird, it looked gray and old yet so stunning, and amongst all the other trees that one got my attention the other day I can't forget it.

I think I'm lost, well, that was my plan at first place! I tried so hard and looked everywhere for it but now I'm just sitting here thinking about everything and nothing, was it all just a dream? the time I spent with the Queen wasn't an illusion I know that, I'm sure of it because I can feel it and I don't care if I'm back to my dimension for the moment, I should've told her how I felt instead of saying goodbye.

Now that I think about it I was really stupid for leaving the Queen, I could've said something but... her life is a mess and I don't wanna fuck it up even more, we can never be together.

I was about to close my eyes and fall asleep until I glimpsed a little shade of gray from the other side, a gray tree, I walked to it and I immediately recognized it, no matter what happens after this I won't regret it, I need answers and I'm not  going anywhere until I get them.

The last time I was here I stood up and walked for a bit before I fell, it was probably a cliff so I think I have a little hint, I'm so thankful for all the video games I played and the movies I lost sleep to.

I can't stop overthinking things, the only thing that's keeping me from losing what's left in my mind is the thought of seeing Leia's smile again, I'd walk to another planet for her but I'm technically walking to another world just to be with her again.

To be honest I can't clearly remember the path I took before falling, this is the first time I would ever follow my heart, I don't know what I'm doing but I'm sure of it, I know I sound crazy but it's totally worth it, she's worth it.

This time I drew the whole path on my notebook and it looks like those weird maps from pirate movies and anime, my life was always crazy but what I'm currently living is beyond insanity.

I found a cliff after walking for a while again and I'm just staring at it and I can't help but think; if I fell here last time and stayed unconscious for a whole night where I had a dream that felt so real then if I fall again I might not have the same dream, but if it was real I will get to see the woman I love.

I fell twice at a time, the first fell hurt my head and the second one hurt my heart because I wasn't brave enough about my feelings, so I will have to fall again now to figure it all out.

I stopped thinking of all the things that could influence my decision and I jumped, either I'm crazy or in love or something between the two, perhaps both. I jumped to my destiny.