A Trip Inside My Head

14

The days are passing slowly and I'm getting used to the pain, I don't know what day or time is it now, I've been in this room for a while after the hospital, they just threw me here and everyday some masked guys would walk in to kick me and break my bones until I lose consciousness, they even used electricity and razors but the funny thing is that I can't remember what I'm here for.

They've been asking questions I couldn't answer, I'm still holding on to the Queen's memories hoping she's safe, I don't mind getting tortured like this if it means that she gets to live and be fine, I don't know why I'm here, is it because I'm a stubborn rebel? or because I stood against everyone? perhaps it's because I respect nobody.

I haven't eaten for days, not that I'm protesting or anything but I couldn't, I would find a bottle of water and some crappy bread everyday after I wake up so I'd always just drink the water.

I miss her jasmin smell, I miss her laugh and even her teary face, I miss her, I miss being around her, the Queen, my Queen, wherever you are... I can't believe I'm about to die in a place like this with such circumstances yet I never got the chance to tell her how much I love her.

She wasn't just another hook up for me, she's the first and only woman I ever loved, not to mention the part about her being from another dimension and us saying goodbyes in the most awful way.

I lost count of how many days or weeks I've been here, I'm not feeling sad in fact I'm going mad, I'm angry at everyone, more specifically I'm angry at one per person, yes I admit it I'm so angry at Leia for sending back here instead of whatever other option she had.

Dammit I'm awake, I hate to realize that I'm still alive after getting my daily dose of punches and crap, I can hardly stand and I'm barely remembering how it happened this time, there's no water or crappy bread this time, only my blood covering the ground I'm laying on feeling as cold and lonely as ever.

My dark brown hair lost its natural color and is now blood red and black, I can't believe I smell like trash, I'm a clean freak who would wash her hands twice after touching the doorknob of a public bathroom, now I fucking stink.

"I'm tired, can't think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity." 
I can't believe I'm quoting Kafka, but it's exactly how I feel and I hate it, I miss her, I know I shouldn't miss her but I really do and I truly wish life worked differently instead of being a bitch to all of us.

I was a musician, not a popular one to all, I worked as a DJ some nights and spent my days either sleeping or fucking, I hated my family, I was the opposite of spoiled but never jealous of my little sister, I was a careless and reckless con who wanted to get away from everything but couldn't figure out how to, but now look at me, I am nothing.

The door unexpectedly opened while I was half asleep with my face against the wall, I didn't make any move though, I guess there's more than one guard in the room, what's going on? is it torture time already?

Before I got to talk or question anything my face was already covered, my hands cuffed and I got carried by one of them, please tell me you're finally gonna kill me.

We're in a car, I'm sitting in the back surrounded by I don't even know who from both sides, they finally uncovered my face a second before the driver hit the gas, I don't know what to ask so I'll stay silent.

"This is what you wanted right?" a familiar voice spoke from the passenger seat, he turned his face looking in my direction, "the only reason I agreed to this is because I don't consider you as a daughter anymore" like I ever considered you as a father.

"That's reciprocal" I didn't even bother to look at him, but you can tell by the way I talk I never lost my bitchy attitude.

"Stop talking" the driver spoke, it was later that I realized it's that damned officer I don't remember the name of, "we really thought you would change a little bit and help us, but you're just a selfish person"