That Was Then

7-Now

It is by complete coincidence that Eden, one of the members of Kya's squad, is in my AP English class. I recognize her from the major Instagram and Facebook creeping Petra and I had done. Her silky black hair that falls halfway down her back and heart shaped mouth. She happens to sit right in front of me and offers up a friendly "Hi there."

"Uh, hey..." I am caught a little off guard. Both that she's there and that she is friendly. I have just sort of assumed that Kya's friends will all be as awful as I remember her being. I almost say 'hey Eden' but catch myself. I don't know how I would have explained that.

When I left Erie, Kya had two best friends who were complicit in tormenting me. There were more than just the three that contributed to it, but they certainly instigated the majority of it. Neither of those two girls were in any of Kya's many pictures. Or the ones we had gone through anyway. There were a lot. A quick google search showed that Selena Martinez had moved away the same summer I spent in treatment. She is living in California and, much to my dismay, karma does not seem to have visited her either. Although she did have a really unfortunate haircut for awhile. The other girl, Paige Lindsay, does not have much of a digital footprint, she is still in Erie but does not have a Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media accounts. Delaney was able to find her school records and she missed a great deal of school at the end of freshman year. It does not escape me that all of the pretty girls that make up Kya's squad are all either new to Erie or went to a different middle school than us.

Halfway through the class Eden turns and introduces herself and asks how I like Erie so far. I am determined not to like her by association to Kya but find myself telling her that I actually lived in Erie my whole life.  I tell her how I have just been at boarding school the past two years.

Her eyes light up. "I begged my parents to send me to this boarding school on the East Coast that specializes in performing arts. But my mother has attachment issues." She rolls her pretty brown eyes. "So then you must know a lot of people here, who did you used to hang out with?"

I panic a little. Talking to Eden is not a part of the plan and I don't know what to say. I did not prepare for this. "Uhhh, Caleb Dominguez." I finally stutter. This isn't exactly untrue, Caleb is Abuela's actual grandchild and we did spend a lot of time together, whether by choice or circumstance I don't know.

"Oh." She cocks her head, studying me and a look that I don't know how to interpret crosses her face. Then she smiles. "That makes sense, you seem smart." I cringe internally, is that a bad thing? She doesn't make it sound bad and after all, she's in the same AP English class as I am. "Do you still talk to him?"

I shake my head. "Not since middle school." I try not to think of the last time I saw him but of course that's the image that fills my head. His hazel eyes filled with fear, shouting my name. I blink his face away and focus on Eden.

"He's kinda hot, and he's got that super unapproachable thing going." She sighs almost dreamily. "I can see it now," her voice takes on a dramatic tone, "pretty girl comes back to town and catches the attention of the unattainable heart throb." I laugh at the cliché and wonder what Kya would think of one of her friends just called me pretty.

I hadn't figured Caleb into this equation, hadn't had Delaney check his class schedule or Facebook account, hadn't spoken to him since that day. It's not as though I have forgotten him, no way I could, he just isn't a part of all of this. But of course he is here and I don't suppose I will be able to avoid him in person like I've done the past two years. I wonder if he will even want to talk to me after this long. When I left he sent me emails and text messages daily. I didn't have my cellphone in treatment and no internet access for the first month, only scheduled phone calls and visits with Dad and Mama. But after that I still didn't respond. I didn't know what to say, I was embarrassed and ashamed. The emails kept coming for awhile, fewer, more sporadic until they stopped all together. I really did try to email him back, I typed thousands of words that I never sent.

 
Even before Kya there was Caleb, there was always Caleb. Abuela started working for my parents before I was even born. His mom was still around back then, but he was with Abuela most of the time. She would bring him with her to work and let Mama get her baby fix in. They always used to tease me that he is the only reason I'm even around. Mama adored him so much that she and Daddy decided to have one of their own. Caleb was my playmate from the time I could crawl. At a year and half older than me he doted on me. He helped me learn to walk and right after "mama" and "dada", a baby version of Caleb was my first word. Abuela still acts wounded about that to this day. 

When Caleb was four his mom disappeared, that alone wasn't completely out of the ordinary as she did that from time to time, usually showing back up after a week or two. But that time she didn't come back and after that he was with Abuela full time. She had wanted to put him in daycare while she worked; cleaning our house, cooking for us, helping to care for me, but Mama wouldn't have it. He was my constant companion, I even got moved up into the four year old preschool class when I was just three because I couldn't bare to be separated from him. When he started Kindergarten I was inconsolable for weeks. I think that I had thought if I threw a big enough tantrum I'd get to go to kindergarten with him. It didn't work and he made his own friends at school. Friends that were boys. And eventually I met Kya.