That Was Then

61- Now

The calm that has come over me lasts until the second that I pull into my driveway. I swallow hard as I park my car in its designated spot in the curved driveway. Abuela's car is here and I don't have x-ray vision but if I did I'm pretty sure I would see my mom's car parked in the garage. Caleb should be at football practice and my dad is probably at work so at least I only have to deal with Mama and Abuela. For now.

I ease the door open quietly, but if I think that I can sneak in I am sorely mistaken because Hiccup lets out a series of excited yelps and his nails click loudly on the foyer as he barrels at me. I drop to the ground to greet him before he can knock me over. If only some other people would be this excited to see me at school tomorrow. Minus the licking, of course. Astrid sits just inside the living room, watching us with cold contempt and I think that is more the kind of greeting I can expect at school. As if reading my mind she flicks her tail twice and takes off in the opposite direction. 

I wait for Mama to appear, to greet me or chastise me or whatever it is she is going to do but she doesn't come. I can hear her singing off key in her office, so when Hiccup finally gets sick of me hugging him and goes off in search of his cat, I slink down the hall to see Mama.

She is surrounded by headless bodies in various states of dress and I am reminded of the names Kya and I gave her manequins as kids. Seraphina is wearing swaths of sheer fabric like a toga. Kit wears only a skirt. Esmerelda is clearly getting most of the attention here. This is Mama's element, I watch her work for awhile thinking she hasn't noticed me. She pins pale blue fabric to Esmerelda with pins she holds between her lips.

"What do you think?" She asks, and it takes me a second to realize that she's talking to me when she hasn't even glanced in my direction yet.

"It's pretty but I thought you were going with bold colors for your next line, not pastels?" I cross my legs underneath me on the only surface not covered in a rainbow of silk and satin.

"It's not for my next line," she offers a smile over her shoulder and then holds up different materials.

"What's it for then?" I ask even as it clicks into place. The pale blue isn't the exact same color, it's lighter, almost white gauzy fabric. The style is different, no boat neck or full skirt, instead it is bunched at one shoulder and the layers of soft blue fall a little below knee length. It's beautiful. I grab a skein of shining red, "need some of this for the skirt?" We both laugh at my bad joke, but finally Mama turns to look at me.

"Nah, I thought about a red sash but I'm thinking these..." she reaches into the mess of cloth and produces a pair of crimson heels. Not just any heels, but a brand new pair of Louboutin satin pumps. I know that they're new because I covet all of her Louboutins, Manolos and Jimmy Choos. My jaw drops a little. "Gotta make a statement," she grins. Leave it to Mama to be passive aggressive through fashion. I reach for the shoes, "Just so we are clear," she holds them just out of my reach before letting me snatch them from her, "they're mine, you just get to borrow them."

Mama doesn't ask about what happened Friday night even though I know that she must know that Dad picked me up drunk from a gas station in the middle of the night. She doesn't ask what was so bad that I had to go halfway across the country. I checked in with Lonna over the weekend and she must know that too. She merely walks over to me while I'm still giddy over the Louboutins and takes my face in her hands. "So you'll wear them to the dance Friday?" Is all she asks but I hear the bigger question: you'll still be here Friday?

"Yes, and probably many many other times in the future." I let her hug me to her, my head against her stomach making me feel small again.

I check in with Abuela before making my way up to my room. If she knows what happened Friday night she doesn't say. She just hugs me and offers to feed me and everything is right in the world. 

I'm all ready to make a game plan for the next day when I see a little box sitting on my pillow. I know instantly that it's a new charm and I pick it up even more eagerly than I did the heels. I wonder, only briefly, why Mama didn't just give it to me downstairs when we were talking. I pull the top from the small box and lift the tissue paper to reveal my new charm. Two tiny hearts are intertwined on the ring that hooks onto the bracelet, one white gold and one rose gold. I gingerly hook the fragile looking hearts onto the bracelet, but they're much sturdier than they look. I hold up my wrist and happily shake my bracelet. My smile doesn't fade even when it slips down my arm, revealing my scar. The silvery lines on my skin are faded but still unmistakable. I push the bracelet back into place and text Caleb. I'd been distant the past few days and it wasn't fair to him, I was ready to make it right.