That Was Then

23-Now

If I think that the way Caleb is treating me at school is any indication that we are okay now, I am sorely mistaken. The few times I see him at my house he practically ignores me. His shoulder is still frigidly cold. In government class he's friendly and when we happen to both eat lunch at the same table he plays the part of old friend quite well. He brings up memories and laughs with me at inside jokes, excluding all of the others sitting with us. I'm confused and distracted to the point where I even forget to flirt with Seth. Thankfully, he seems to have a one track mind and is in no way put off by my focus on Caleb. Or the fact that he has a girlfriend. He seems to just think that I'm playing hard to get and that he actually has a chance.

On Thursday morning Dad is out of town for some kind of conference so Mama and I have the house to ourselves. I come downstairs before school wearing only my tank top and boy short underwear to make a cup of coffee. I grab a protein bar and head into the living room where I can hear Mama watching the news while the coffee pot brews me my favorite blueberry cobbler coffee.

I'm focused on peeling the wrapper off of the protein bar when I enter the living room so I don't even notice at first that Mama is not alone at first. Caleb is on his way out the door, dressed for football with a duffel bag and backpack loaded over his shoulder, when he notices me and stops in his tracks. Mama has her back to me talking to Abuela who stares at me, open mouthed, as I prance around in my undies and tank top. I experience something like what a deer must feel when a set of headlights hit them and freeze. Mama turns around and claps a hand over her mouth. She's not shocked exactly, more trying to stifle a laugh. I turn and practically sprint back to my room, chased by the sound of their laughter. What I'm wearing easily covers more than even a modest swimsuit but I'm still completely humiliated.

Mama knocks and peeks her head into my room after I've already tugged on a pair of leggings. I scowl at her. "Thanks for telling me we had company." There is still laughter in her deep green eyes but she holds it in.

"It's Abuela and Caleb! They're here all the time! I didn't think I needed to make an announcement when they're over!"

"They're never here this early!" I focus on my reflection in the mirror, carefully applying coppery colored eyeliner. I use a trick I learned from Allie's vlog.

"Well they're going to be for a week or two. A pipe burst in their basement and caused some major damage." Mama picks through my closet, examining each item. Now that he's staying with us I wonder how awkward it will get at home with Caleb hardly having a word to say to me. "So no hanky panky with Caleb, mmmkay?!"

"Ew Mama!" I put the eyeliner down and glare at her through the mirror. "He's like my..." I don't finish, saying he's like my brother still feels incestuous because in spite of myself, I keep thinking of him in a not so brotherly way. "We've known each other way too long for that."

"Hmm, if you say so." Mama says knowingly, holding one of my shirts against her and checking herself out in the mirror. Mama is beautiful, everybody has a hard time believing she is old enough to have a daughter my age. She isn't vain exactly but she loves hearing that. 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh nothing." She grins and pulls out a different shirt. "Can I borrow this?"

"No! I was planning on wearing that today." I lie, snatching it from her. There's a sweater laid out on my bed that we both know I was about to put on. Instead I pull the soft plaid tunic over my head, now I'll need to change my socks because they are the same shade as the sweater on my bed but do not match this shirt. 

"Don't be all snippy with me just because you have a crush on Caleb!" She slips out the door before the pillow I launch at her even leaves my hand.

I studiously avoid eye contact with Caleb in government. The one time I chance a glance in his direction he winks at me and I am instantly pissed off. He can't even talk to me at home but now he's going to wink at me?! Seth is sitting in front of me today and he turns, asking to borrow a pencil. I flash a flirty grin at him and when he grabs onto the pencil I don't let go right away. He likes this game.

"What do I get for letting you borrow this...?"

"What do you want?" He practically pants and the way he's looking at me I feel like I could ask for just about anything and he would say yes. I pretend to think for a minute.

"Here." Caleb gruffly slaps a pencil down onto Seth's desk loudly enough to draw the attention of half of the class. Seth and I are still grasping opposite ends of my pencil and a few girls two rows over get all wide eyed and lean in to whisper to one another. I wonder how long it will take for this to get back to Kya. I figure she'll know before lunch if not before next period. Vivi shakes her head and I let go of the pencil the same time Seth does. It drops onto my desk and he turns back around.

"What the hell are you up to?" Caleb hauls me out of the flow of traffic in the hallway. I stare at him stubbornly. There's no point in lying, not to him. "Are you into Seth or is it just because he's Kya's boyfriend?" Do I detect a hint of jealousy in his voice?

"What do you think?"

He leans in close to me so that none of the lingering gawkers around us can hear what he is about to say. He smells like clean laundry and deodorant and just a hint of cologne. He smells like home. I want to hug him. I clasp my hands together in front of me so that I don't. "I think I know what you're trying to do and I know why. But it's not worth it."

"You don't get to decide that!" I seethe. I want to scream but I work hard to match his volume. Just loud enough for him to hear and nobody else.

"He won't break up with her for you. Sure he'll cheat if you give him the chance but you're better than that. You've already gotten to her. Her friends all like you and everyone is gossiping about Seth flirting with you. Isn't that enough?"

"I'll decide when it's enough." I'm near tears now. "How many times had it been more than enough and she just kept going?!"

"Is that what you want?" He looks disappointed and that's not fair. He knows how bad it was for me. "You want to drive her to the point you were at?" He grabs my left arm and his thumb slips lightly beneath my charm bracelet. I yank my arm free and turn away before the tears that fill my eyes start to flow down my cheeks.

"I have to go, I'm going to be late for class."