That Was Then

55-Then

I was actually excited to go to our eighth grade graduation dance. School was over for the year and we had this little graduation ceremony. Dad, Mama, Abuela and Caleb came to watch me all dressed up to receive a piece of relatively meaningless paper. But it was the symbol of the ending of an era. I was so done with middle school and more than ready for the hopeful anonymity of high school. Three middle schools would merge and that meant two thirds of the school wouldn't know the cruel nickname Kya had given me or remember the "herpes outbreak" of seventh grade. There would be so many students that nobody would care if I wore glasses or was overweight. 

The dance was right after the ceremony, I said goodbye to my family and told Mama I would call her when I was ready for her to pick me up. I went and joined Rachel and some other classmates against the gymnasium wall as the lights were dimmed and a DJ started to play music way too loud. I wore this beautiful light blue dress Mama made specifically for the occasion. It was sleeveless with a boat neck and silver stitching throughout the bodice. It was flattering, drawing attention away from my thicker middle. The full skirt glittered in the low lighting and fell to just above my knees. 

"There's Kyle," Becca whispered loudly when my reluctant crush walked across the gym to get a soda. I tried not to like him because he hung out with people like Kya but he was just so cute and smart too. He was in a lot of my AP classes. I sneaked a peek over my shoulder and watched him carry a can of Coke over to Paige. I rolled my eyes at my friends and sighed. 

We didn't dance, we just stood up against the wall and talked and drank sodas but I was having fun. Becca shyly declined dancing with the boy she liked at least five times and Kaycee imitated all of the people actually dancing. 

"Incoming," Rachel said, looking over my shoulder. I turned around and Selena was walking toward us looking like a character out of some bad teen movie. Her long wavy hair moved like wind was blowing through it and her slinky red dress shimmied on her hips with each step. The dress was hardly appropriate for a middle school girl at a middle school dance. 

She was smiling and somehow I knew that she was coming for me. I looked around desperately for a place to hide but short of ducking behind Rachel, I was stuck. 

"Blakely, heyyy," her voice was sweet as syrup and I was suspicious. I didn't say anything, just looked at her like she was speaking another language. "Kya wanted me to come see if you would come talk to her." Selena gripped my wrist loosely and gently pulled me a little ways away from the others, just out of hearing range. "She's really sorry about... well everything and she doesn't want to end middle school the way things are." She looked sincere but an alarm went off in my head, warning me not to trust her. 

"Okay," I said hesitantly, "tell her it's in the past." I turned to go back to my friends but she gripped my wrist tighter. 

"Wait! She really wants to tell you herself!" Selena pleaded and, against my better judgement, I let her drag me over to where Kya sat surrounded by her friends, like the queen bee she seemed to think she was. 

Paige stood in front of the chair next to Kya, "oh here, sit next to Kya" she smiled way too nicely and moved from blocking the chair as Selena twirled me around to sit in it. Everyone else moved away and Kya fixed her pale blue eyes on me. It occurred to me that they were the exact same shade of blue as my dress. And it wasn't lost on me that her own dress was emerald green. 

Kya grasped my hands and the look on her face was so serious I thought that maybe she was being genuine, "Blakely, I really don't want to end the year on bad terms. I feel so bad about how I've treated you these past few years. All the things we did to you: your glasses, hiding your books," I knew that was them but could never prove it, "saying you should kill yourself," she emphasized the words and my heart squeezed in my chest. "I want things to be different in high school." Me too, I thought. "I just really hope that you can forgive me!" 

"Okay..." I said for lack of anything better to say. I didn't want to say that I did forgive her because I wasn't ready for that. But I didn't want to say that I didn't forgive her either because I didn't want her to change her mind. 

"I'm so glad we talked!" She patted my hands, dismissing me. I got up to walk away, sort of stunned. I didn't make it very far before I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around thinking it was Selena again, or the queen bee herself. But it was Kyle. 

"Hey, uh," he looked back at Paige and them and I could have sworn I saw her nod but I was too starstruck to care. "Do you want to dance?" A slow dance had just started, something by Ed Sheeran that I couldn't hear clearly over the sound of my pulse pounding. I had never even had a crush before Kyle, I wasn't used to that feeling. 

"Um, sure," I could feel myself blushing and I was thankful for the dim lights. We walked to middle of the dance floor where a few other couples had their arms wrapped around one another and he placed his hands stiffly on my hips. I rested mine gingerly on his shoulders and we started swaying to the music. 

I didn't notice the laughter at first, the couples dancing behind me stopping in the middle of the song and laughing. I looked around to try to see what they were laughing about. It took me awhile to realize they were laughing at me. When I stopped dancing Kyle lowered his head and backed away from me quickly. I spun around, confused. Everyone behind me started laughing too. I looked down at my dress, I could not figure out what was so funny. 

Then something soft hit me in the head. It didn't hurt, just fell harmlessly to the floor. When I looked down, I saw, to my horror, that it was a tampon. I stepped back as another one hit me in the face. Right in front of me Kya approached, she stepped forward and I thought she was going to push me. Instead she pressed something to my the bodice of my dress. A gigantic pad.

"Here, you look like you need this!" She cackled and turned back to her friends as they all rained pads and tampons down on me. I brushed my hand down the back of my dress and it came away wet and red, I didn't have to get it close to my face to realize that it was ketchup. Everything clicked then; Selena dragging me over, Paige blocking the chair and Selena practically setting me down into it. Down into a bunch of ketchup that now covered the back of my dress. 

Sanitary products rained down on me and people were shouting things like "you're disgusting", "nasty bitch" and whatever other insults they could think of. Kya screamed right in my face, "just kill yourself already" and the words echoed in my head louder than anyone else's. I don't even remember walking out of the gymnasium and out of the school.