Coming Up For Air

0.6

(dedicated to @5seccondsofBromance because the youtuber is life)

"Home, let me come home,
Home is wherever I'm with you
Our home, yes, I am home,
Home is when I'm alone with you"

-Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, 'Home'

☂Ashton☂

"What the hell, man?" Ashton said loudly as soon as they were out of the coffee shop. "What the hell was that?"

Luke shrugged. "He was being ridiculous and it was pissing me off. I didn't want to have to resuscitate you again today."

"Let me fight my own fucking battles next time, yeah?" Ashton told the tall blonde, practically steaming. Luke didn't even know him; he had no right to decide how much Ashton could take. Ashton lifted his hands like he might shove him.

"Okay!" Instead of fighting back, Luke just smiled and raised his hands in defeat, not even looking annoyed at Ashton's behavior. Ashton knew he was being an asshole--why wasn't Luke reacting?

"I'm sorry. Didn't think it would be such a big deal." Luke said, shrugging lazily and letting his right dimple pop. Ashton couldn't help but let his eyes be drawn to the depression in his cheek and all of a sudden he was reaching out and lightly tracing it with his finger.

Luke looked down at him, still half smiling, not even flinching at the contact. Ashton froze once he realized what he was doing, glancing up at Luke guiltily as he whipped his hand back.

"I--sorry."

"S'okay." Luke said. "I like your dimples too."

"Not for that--I mean, I guess for that too. But sorry for getting mad and...yeah. I--yeah." Ashton trailed off, staring at the ground.

"It's fine. I was out of line. I just don't like people talking to y-- to other people like that." Luke said, and Ashton looked up to see that he was blushing bright red.

"Ah...okay." Ashton shuffled his feet. "Let's just go to my dorm now."

-

Luke was quiet as he walked slightly behind Ashton on the way to the dorms and Ashton was glad because he needed time to think. Something about the quality of Luke's voice put his entire brain on lockdown and he couldn't have that. Not right now.

Louis' words resounded in his ears, screaming themselves back at him over and over and ten times more viciously than they were originally intended. He hated himself because he knew, he knew Louis was right. He didn't know what it was like to love somebody like that--hell, to love somebody at all. And he didn't--couldn't know what it was like to be gay, that added layer of complication to the already intricate contraption of attraction.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked quietly, his breathydeepthroatylyricalsofthardsexyroughsmoothinnocentprettysinful concoction of a voice bleaching the frantic orange thoughts from Ashton's mind for an exhale.

"I...I think so." Ashton said after quickly stitching his mind back together. And it was true. It was true, because even though he felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff while simultaneously sliding into a car crash, it was okay because Luke was walking 2 feet behind him. Somehow that made everything seem a little bit perfect.

Even though his best friend wasn't speaking to him.

Even though he was about to fail out of college.

Even though his girlfriend broke up with him.

Even though his family wasn't even in the same hemisphere.

Even though he had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do with his life.

Luke kind of made him forget about it all, and it was lovely to momentarily walk on air.

"Promise?" Luke said and Ashton was wandering in a metaphorical forest, he was so lost.

"What?"

"You promise that you're okay?" Luke said and Ashton could feel his body heat get closer as he walked only 1 foot behind him now.

"No." Ashton said, slowing down slightly and sliding sort of to the right so Luke was inadvertently adjacent to his arm. "But I promise I think I'm okay."

"Okay." Luke said, and God, what was it about the right side of his face when he smiled? Dimples shouldn't be able to stab people in the heart.

-

Ashton didn't want Luke to come inside his dorm room. It was messy and impersonal and not a part of his life he wanted to share with anybody because it wasn't really his and it wasn't really him. But he didn't feel like explaining himself to Luke so he let him in, wincing internally at the clothes on the floor and blank white walls.

"I've got your shirt here." Ashton said, walking over to the tiny dresser in the corner of the room and picking up the freshly washed black shirt off the top. "Sorry that I forgot it."

"It's fine." Luke said with a soft smile like Ashton was an animal and he didn't want to scare him off with the showing of too many teeth. "I like your room."

Ashton laughed dryly and shook his head. "Thanks. I hate it here."

As soon as he said it he regretted it. Luke's face shifted and Ashton knew, knew he had revealed too much.

"Why?" Luke asked and Ashton suddenly wanted to jump out his window because Luke's eyes were so blue and his lips...god, why was he think about a guy's lips?

"Ah--um--," Ashton stuttered. "It's just...it's lonely. I though I would like not having a roommate but--yeah. Not so much."

"Oh." Luke nodded, somehow understanding something about Ashton that even Ashton couldn't quite comprehend. "Okay."

"Yeah." Ashton said.

They stood there for a moment just looking at each other and Ashton finally let himself notice the way the Luke's hair stuck out more on the right side of his head and how he sucked on his lip ring when he got nervous and how his blonde eyelashes were miles long and they caressed his cheeks when he blinked and--

"I think you should go now." Ashton blurted, wincing and the suddenness and the awkwardness and just everything.

"Okay." Luke said again, and before Ashton could move or breathe or do anything to prepare himself, Luke bent down and hugged him. It was quick, almost like Luke was afraid of how Ashton would react, and he was out the door before Ashton even had a chance to say goodbye.

Ashton stood there for several long seconds after Luke closed the door, breathing and blinking and thinking.

Because it had felt so, so good to be held, and just for that moment, just for that brief brush of cloth, Ashton had been home.

Ashton hadn't been home in a long time.

-

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