Coming Up For Air

5.9

"Nobody's gonna feel your pain
When all is done
And it's time for you to walk away
So when you have today
You should say all that you have to say."
-Sleeping with Sirens, "Scene Two-Roger Rabbit"

⚑ Luke ⚐

Luke had realized some things over the past three days.
1. He was fucked up.
2. He didn't want to be fucked up.
3. He didn't want to end up like Louis.
4. In order to not end up like Louis, he needed to take Michael's advice and try to fix himself in earnest.
5. But fixing himself was hard, so he might as well start with fixing the things he'd fucked up.

On March 19th, at 7:30 in the morning,
Luke left his flat. He walked for a while, until he got to Louis' flat, and then he knocked on the door.

Louis answers after a moment, looking sleepy and shocked.

"Luke?" He asked blearily. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to say that I'm sorry." Luke told him simply.

Louis looked confused. "Um...what? I don't really...do you want to come in? It's freezing out here."

"This won't take long." Luke said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his wool coat. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there for you more, and for asking so much of you all the time, and for making you keep my secrets, and I'm sorry about Miss Shaw. I'm so sorry that that happened and that you got involved."

Louis frowned. "That was...so long ago. I don't care, Luke. I'm just glad you trusted me."

Luke nodded.

"I just wish you could have trusted me. When you needed help, you went to Zayn, not to me, and that makes me sad. And I want you to know that I'm here for you, and you can trust me, and I care about you, and I'm so, so sorry about everything that happened with Harry."

Louis looked immensely sad.

"It wasn't that I didn't trust you, Luke. I was just so angry at myself, and I care what you think of me. And I...it's my fault about Harry. That's all me. I just didn't want you to think less of me."

"I was sleeping with my English teacher for three months, Lou. There's no way I'll ever think less of you than I think of myself." Luke told him honestly.

"I cheated on him." Louis broke in half. "I loved him and I cheated on him and now he's gone."

Luke hugged Louis tight for several moments.

"Just don't do anything drastic, Lou. I'll be back soon and we can figure this out together."

"Where are you going?" Louis asked.

"I have some things to do. Some people to talk to. You know?" Luke asked.

Louis nodded.

Luke left.

x

Next, Luke walked to the college where Calum was. He was in a Physics class, so Luke texted him some important things and then hailed a cab.

"Where to?" The cabby asked, rude and full of Liverpool brusqueness, and Luke flashed back to that night and those men and Ashton crying and hating himself. That just absolutely cut him apart. He hated, hated, hated them for making Ashton hurt.

"Grove Park Cemetery, please." Luke said, setting his backpack on the seat next to him. There were daisies poking out of the top, with a little pink ribbon wrapped around their stems. The cabby grunted and took off from the curb, swerving dangerously through traffic with one hand and nervously scratching at a nicotine patch on his shoulder with the other.