Coming Up For Air

1.4

"Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home..."

-Fort Minor, 'Where'd You Go'

⚑ Luke ⚐

"You're going to answer, right?" Luke asked Ashton quietly. "I'll leave if you don't want me to hear."

"It's fine. It's--I'll just answer it and--just don't leave." Ashton finished, looking terrified and surprised so Luke just nodded and sat back against the wall.

"I...I'm gonna put it on speaker. Don't talk. But...I'm gonna need your help later I think and I mean maybe not just you but somebody and I think it--,"

"Answer, Ash." Luke said softly, letting the edges of his mouth drift downward like falling leaves because it was hard to see Ashton so nervous again when he'd just barely disassembled one of his walls.

Ashton took a deep breath and nodded and blinked hard and clenched his fists and touched the smooth face of his phone and

"Hello?" He asked, surprisingly clearly, and it hit Luke all of a sudden that it wasn't Zayn who made Ashton nervous. It wasn't Louis who made him nervous. It wasn't Harry who made him nervous, or his ex-girlfriend who he talked about like a chew toy--it was Luke. Ashton only stuttered and blushed and tripped and didn't know what to say around him and Luke realized that this was good and bad and maybe he didn't even know Ashton and this was both good and bad too. He also realized that there was no way he could know Ashton at all because...well, three days.

Just three days.

"Hey," Zayn replied, sounding subdued. "How you?"

"I'm fine." Ashton replied, leaning toward the phone where it was placed on the bed between the two boys. "I'm fine. You?"

"Ha," Zayn laughed bitterly, "Never better."

"Zayn..." Ashton started.

"No, I've got to get something out first. I want to get something out first." Zayn interrupted. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got drunk and cried and all that shit. I'm sorry because I know you're straight. Fuck, man, your so fucking straight that I thought it might be a cover-up or something because I know how your family would react to you to not being straight and I'm sorry I assumed. I'm sorry for taking out my issues on you and all that but Ash, I wouldn't take back that kiss because even though you didn't want it and even though it was a mistake it was the best kiss of my life and I can't apologize for falling in love with my best friend because I'm not sorry about that. I'm not. I can't be."

Luke was staring at Ashton's face with wide eyes as the nervous flush and every other color to speak of drained from it and he turned a sickening gray.

"Okay." Ashton said quietly.

"And...and I know this is a little weird but I just need you to tell me something. Can you tell me something?" Zayn sounded slightly shattered and extremely raw, like saying what he was saying was opening a direct pipeline to his soul.

"Anything." Ashton responded quietly, and then a little louder, "Anything."

"Just tell me...just tell me that if you weren't straight, it would be me first. You would be with me. I just need to hear it. I just need you to say it. Please."

Ashton blanched and rocked back and looked at Luke and Luke stared back at him, pressing his lips together.

"What do I do?" Ashton mouthed. Luke shrugged. Rolled his eyes. Felt hurt crawl up his chest like a spider.