Coming Up For Air

1.1

"Don't try to sleep through the end of the world
And bury me alive
'Cause I won't give up without a fight."
Panic! At the Disco, This is Gospel

☂Ashton☂

Ashton was actually physically incapable of movement as Luke's lips lightly coasted over his, hovering for a moment before pressing softly onto the left edge of his mouth and then detaching. Luke didn't move away, keeping his face close enough so that they were still breathing the same air and bathing in the same particles of light, and he still kept his blue eyes closed, but he didn't ask for more, didn't make a move, and for a soft second everything was perfectly motionless.

"How was that?" The blonde boy breathed, his voice made up of a symphony of shattering crystals and Ashton thought it was beautiful.

"I don't know." Ashton answered honestly, not moving away from Luke, but not moving toward, either.

"I--," Luke's eyes finally snapped open, the blue turned bright and feverish and Ashton felt something hot slice through his chest when he wondered if they looked that way because of him. "I'm sorry."

Luke rolled off the bed and Ashton couldn't help but notice he was shirtless and wearing a pair of low slung athletic shorts that fell loosely to just above his knees. As he stood, Ashton's eye traced the light gold skin on his back, the way his muscles curved and arched and stretched and Luke was a graceful sexy gorgeous he was art he was perfection.

"Luke," Ashton whispered to the boy in the process of padding out of the room. Luke froze in the doorway and Ashton stumbled out of bed, a little self conscious that all he had on was a tee shirt and his tight black boxers. He reach up, turning Luke around in the tiny bedroom so they were facing each other and wow, Luke was a lot taller than he had realized.

They stared at each other for what seemed like several small eternities. It was fascinating to Ashton, the shameless way Luke studied him and the way it made Ashton himself unafraid to try to memorize every detail of Luke's face.

"Luke?" Ashton said again, this time a question, this time a little braver than any time he'd said the syllable before.

"Yeah?" Luke responded, eyes scorching sapphire mines, light and dark and empty and full of everything.

Ashton reached up and hesitantly touched the edge of Luke's lips with his thumb, gently pulling it across his skin to trace the outline of his jaw bone and he felt Luke shiver and oh, he was the reason Luke was shivering.

"Again," he told Luke, loving the way Luke's soft skin pressed against his hand. "Try again."

Luke stared at him for forever. Ashton felt his heart drop and he realized that Luke had probably made a mistake oh god he hadn't meant to kiss him oh fuck he probably thought he was so weird--

and then Ashton wasn't thinking anymore because Luke's mouth was on his and
Oh.

Luke's lips were soft, the skin on them feeling delicate and wonderful and breakable and oh, god something terrible must be happening to Ashton's heart because it was pounding so hard it was bruising the inside of his chest.

At first, Ashton wasn't really sure what to do with himself because something about the kiss made it foreign and strange and it was turning him into jello. Luke was tentative, gently pressing his mouth to Ashton's, the warm tip of his nose tracing a brief path across Ashton's cheekbone. Luke moved to pull away after a long second but Ashton reached up and cupped his cheek, angling his head to deepen the kiss and oh, god, Luke's hands were skimming up his sides and tracing his waist and pulling him closer, tighter and he couldn't breath--

The both broke away, gasping and flushed like the sunrise. Luke's pulse was ragged and fast, like he'd just run a race, and he was sucking on his lip ring again like Ashton had noticed he did when he got nervous and that had been pressed against his mouth moments before hadn't it?

"Ash?" Luke said, his clear, bell-like voice injected with a shot of gravel. "How was that?"

Ashton thought about it for a moment as his knees slowly regained stability and his toes unfurled on the soft white carpet.

"Good." He said, feeling a blush creep into his cheeks as he looked down. "Really good. Too good."

"Too good?" Luke asked, and Ashton felt his breath feather across his face, soft and warm like summer dandelion fluff.

"I--," Ashton stuttered as reality came back as all sorts of things; a tidal wave, a punch in the stomach, a stab in the chest. "It's just, you're a boy."

He was expecting something snarky in response, something like Zayn would have said, something hurtful and bitter and meant to make him feel like less.

"That is the problem, isn't it?" Luke said, looking at the inside of his elbow. "I was kind of thinking the same thing."

Ashton met his eyes and they looked at each other, studying the depths of their irises. Luke's eyes were ringed with navy, and then mostly the color of the sky shot through with a blue so light it was almost silver before melting into his pupils with a grey and indigo finale. They were beautiful. Everything about Luke was beautiful. Ashton had never thought that about a boy--about anybody before, really.

"I don't know what I'm feeling." Ashton admitted.

"That's okay." Luke told him, blinking and pressing his lips together. "That's fine."

"Really?" Ashton asked because he wasn't really excepting Luke to be so placid and accepting of his uncertainty.

"Yeah. I can't expect you to know. We've only known each other for like two days, and I've never--I mean..." Luke trailed off, searching for words.

"Kissed a boy?" Ashton asked, letting a tiny smile slice his face and Luke nodded fervently, his fingers flexing on Ashton's side. "Me either."

"Technically not true." Luke said with a light laugh.

"Never wanted to kiss a boy before." Ashton corrected himself before realizing what he had said and flushing, looking anywhere but Luke.

"You wanted to kiss me?" Luke said, sounding hopeful. Ashton looked up to see him straining not to smile, right dimple popping while he bit his lip and oh, god, he was just too adorable for words.

"Well," Ashton started and stopped and stuttered and started again, "I mean, yeah."

"Oh good. I though I freaked you out." Luke sounded positively gleeful.

"At first you did. A little. But just because I was surprised." Ashton could feel Luke's hair tickling the back of his hands. "But Luke?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't..." Ashton started, conflict rearing in his chest. "I don't know what's going on right now. I've always been with girls, I always only wanted to be with girls, and I don't...I don't know how to feel because you're...you're..."

"A boy?" Luke asked like he was walking on eggshells and glass.

"Yeah."

"I know. I'm kind if in the same boat as you are here." Luke told him and Ashton realized that they were still clinging to each other.

"It's just..." Ashton said, because he wasn't ready for Luke to let go. "I don't like boys. But I like you. Does that make sense?"

"No." Luke told him, pulling him closer and resting his chin on his shoulder.

"Good." Ashton said, letting himself feel what he desperately wanted to for a little while and holding Luke like he was a lifeline.

x

 I'm obsessed with the song.

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