Coming Up For Air

5.1

"I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life."
-Hozier, 'Take Me To Church"

☂Ashton☂

"LukeIcan'tdothisohmygod." Ashton choked into his phone. He was walking up the narrow flight of stairs to the dean's office a week after the bottle escapade to find out whether or not he would have to leave at the trimester.

He was walking.

Until he kind of halfway collapsed against a wall and began having a panic attack.

"Ashton?" Luke asnwered groggily. It was seven thirty in the morning and he had been asleep, probably. They had been out kind of late the night before, completing one of the things on Ashton's bucket list--riding the tube from one end to the other, specifically. "Ash, what's wrong?"

"Ican'tgotalktothedeanI'mtoonervousI'mhavingapanicattackohmygod." Ashton hugged his knees to his chest, trying and trying and trying to draw breath but only succeeding in hiccuping and feeling like his chest was crushing. "Luke--"

"Ashton?" Luke didn't sound groggy anymore. "Ashton, don't you dare pass out. Don't you dare. I need you to calm down. Who lives by the school? Cal! Calum! Call Mikey!"

"Lukethereareblackspots." Ashton choked, blinking rapidly. "I'mtryingnottobutI--,"

"What helps? Should I distract you? Does that help? The website I went on before said it did." Now Luke sounded frantic, which didn't help Ashton's situation at all.

Ashton gasped shortly and tried to think of calming things. Like beaches. Fuck, but he hated sand. Summer--but that meant Australia and no Luke and--

"Questions. Questions! Let's play that game we always play, okay? Okay, love?" Luke said. Ashton nodded, and luckily Luke knew him well enough to realized he was saying yes even though he wasn't saying anything.

"Okay. Okay. Worst stage name?" Luke said, taking deep breaths that Ashton tried to time his with.

"Buffalo Springfeild." Ashton whispered out after a moment of thought.

"Oh, that's awful. Puff Daddy for me. Favorite season?"

"Spring."

"I like fall. Least favorite character on your favorite TV show?"

"That's like a double question." Ashton pointed out. "Hey! I'm calmed down. I think. Just--um, Quagmire on Family guy."

"Mine's Victoria off of How I Met Your Mother." Luke said. "Okay, you're better? You're breathing? Mikey's on his way over there, just in case it happens again."

"I'm okay, Luke. Thank you." Ashton responded, standing up slowly. "I better go...do this thing."

"I don't really believe in God, but if I did, I'd totally be praying." Luke said, laughing and sounding broken in the same sentence.

"Make a pentagon with some salt and do a pagan rain dance." Ashton suggested as he began slowly walking up the stairs again.

"Pretty sure your just combined, like, four religions."

"One of them's bound to work." Ashton laughed quietly as he stood outside of the door to the dean's office. It was unmarked, no brass plaque on the wall with the dean's name or title on it, but it emanated a feeling of impending doom, so Ashton knew it must be the right one.

"Listen, Luke, I gotta go. My meeting's scheduled for 7:45 and I'm standing outside the door." Ashton muttered, fear lacing it's fingers into his voice.
"Okay." Luke's voice sounded tinny over the phone and Ashton just wanted to be in his arms but he couldn't. "Good luck, Ashton. I--I really hope--,"