Coming Up For Air

1.8

"If your heart was full of love
Could you give it up?
'Cause what about, what about angels?
They will come, they will go, make us special"
-Birdy, 'Not About Angels'

⚑ Luke ⚐

"I'm cold." Luke said after hours. (Actually minutes, but time is relative.)

"Same here." Ashton responded.

Neither of them moved.

"I'm sorry." Ashton whispered.

"Me too."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for."

Luke laughed bitterly. "I have everything to be sorry for."

"I don't believe you." Ashton stared at Luke with his pretty hazel eyes that looked like springtime.

"Suit yourself." Luke shrugged and didn't look at Ashton with his desperately average eyes that looked like window cleaning liquid.

"I'd like to know." Ashton told him quietly.

"Know what?" Luke asked him delicately.

"Everything."

"Define everything."

"You."

x

Cross legged on the floor of Ashton's dorm, they sat facing each other.

(One of Ashton's kneecaps was touching Luke's and it was electrocuting him in the most glorious way.)

"Favorite band?" Luke asked as he carefully maneuvered his voice around the hotness in his chest.

"You can't ask me that. That's impossible to answer." Ashton scoffed. He seemed 170 times more comfortable around Luke and Luke wasn't sure why but he loved it.

"We're on the same page then. Excellent." Luke smiled and Ashton pressed his lips together like he was suppressing one of his own.

"Ideal day?" Ashton asked Luke. They were playing their version of 20 questions, except with unlimited questions. It was a far more liberating game. No boundaries. No stopping point. Luke didn't like knowing there was an end to things.

"Um, I like just spending time inside. Like watching movies. I don't know." Luke laughed a little. "I'm very boring. Especially in bad weather like this."

"Noted." Ashton grinned. "I like that too. But I really like...like parks. Like being outside and stuff. Not really hiking, just like...fresh air and sunshine."

"That's nice." Luke smiled.

"It is." Ashton nodded back.

"Okay." Luke thought for a moment. "Your favorite food?"

"Spaghetti. Yours?"

"Anything sweet. I like ice cream. And candy. And cookies." Luke paused and bit his lip and blushed a little. "I really like chocolate croissants, though."

"Have you ever been to Paris? Isn't that where you're supposed to buy croissants?" Ashton questioned absentmindedly, tracing the pattern of thread in his jeans.

"I haven't. Is that your question?"

"No. We should go sometime." Ashton was smiling at the ground and Luke was smiling at him and the room was overflowing with something immeasurable that was both stifling and uplifting in the most exquisite way.

"Okay." Luke said and he could feel his voice blush. Ashton swallowed audibly.

"I--um--uh--who's your favorite person?" Ashton was all redness and flushed cheeks and dimples.

"Calum. Hands down." Luke said, smiling a little at the thought of his best friend.

"Really? Most people usually say some member of their family." Ashton said, shifting a little and making Luke's everything tingle when their knees brushed again.

"My family's...not the best." Luke said carefully. Ashton nodded.

"Same. My mom's alright, I guess, and I love my little siblings more than anything. But my grandparents suck. Majorly."

"What about your dad?" Luke asked, studying Ashton's face for anything.

Ashton shrugged carelessly. "I don't have one. I mean, obviously someone fathered me. But I don't have a dad."

"Hm." Luke said. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Ashton said. He didn't seem bothered at all. "I never really knew him. He didn't stick around very long and from what I remember he was pretty horrible. I've not seen him in over a decade."

"Ah." Luke said. "Okay, then."

(Thin ice.)

"Why is your family bad?" Ashton asked, smiling a little crookedly. "I've told you all my problems and you've told me none of yours."

(Thinner ice.)

"They're just...well, for one, my brothers are some of the most self absorbed assholes you'll ever meet. I'm only seventeen, you know, and they can't even be bothered to call and check on me to make sure I'm still alive. You're not exactly supposed to live alone when you're my age and I've been with Cal since just after my birthday last year." Luke told him, deciding to let him in on his frustrations rather than his problems.

"Seventeen?" Ashton asked him, "And living with Calum? No parents? How do you pay the rent?"

"Well, my dad sends money, but not that often so we both work. Cal's family does nothing, but he's 18 so they don't really feel obligated." Luke shrugged.

"What about your mom? My mom would never have let me live alone that young. I tried to leave home once when I was fourteen and she kept me home from school for like--,"

"Mom's away." Luke said shortly.

"On a trip or something?" Ashton asked innocently.

"Yeah. What's your favorite color?" Luke didn't look at him, but out of the corner of his eye he could see Ashton pausing for a moment to study him, seeming to evaluate the situation.

"Red." Ashton said, slowly, like he was afraid if he was too sharp Luke might shatter. "I like red. How about you, Luke?"

Luke smiled when Ashton said his name.

"I don't know. I like everything, I guess."

"Define everything." Ashton said mockingly, his grin crinkling his lovely springtime eyes.

"You."

x

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