Coming Up For Air

3.6

"Where are we? What the hell is going on?

The dust has only just begun to fall,

Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.

Spin me 'round again and rub my eyes.

This can't be happening."

-Imogen Heap, "Hide and Seek"

⚑ Luke ⚐

Luke had guilty dreams all night and only slept until six in the morning. He woke up feeling cold and turned over to see Ashton curled on his side, facing away from Luke's body. His eyes were closed and his breathing was regular, but a tiny frown still marred his otherwise placid sleeping face.

Jesus, Luke hated himself for that.

He got up quietly, tugging the borrowed shirt he had had on the night before and pulling a beanie he found on Ashton's dresser down over his wild bed head. He wasn't exactly sure if he looked presentable enough to go out, but he didn't really care as he stuck his feet in his shoes and quietly padded to the door, grabbing the spare key to Ashton's room as he went.

Luke returned to the room about fifteen minutes later and tried to quietly jiggle the door open because the lock was sticky. Instead of having to shoulder his way in, however, the door was ripped open by a confused, shirtless boy with wild honey-brown curls and sleepy hazel green eyes and before Ashton could say anything Luke dropped the bag of groceries and kissed him.

"Sorry." He mumbled against Ashton's lips. "Sorry."

Ashton was still looking moderately confused, but the carefully measure hurt had vacated his face so Luke felt a little better.

"I thought you left." Ashton said quietly.

"Nope." Luke shook his head. "Just...woke up early and thought, Hey! Apology breakfast!"

"You don't have to apologize, Luke--," Ashton started, but Luke cut him off.

"No, I do. I don't mean to shut people out, it's just...I mean, I'm doing it to everyone--like, Calum doesn't know the story, and there is a story, trust me--and I don't really want...I don't know. I don't want to not tell you. I want...I'll...I will tell you, Ashton. Believe me. But...I need time. With it. And with you. I need to know...I need to know you won't think...you know. Less of me. "

Luke mumbled to a halt, looking at the floor and feeling very, very overwhelmed.

"It's okay." Ashton said after a moment, twining their fingers together.

"Just...the reason Louis and I are so close is...well, something happened and he's the only one who knows the whole story." Luke told Ashton, and realized after that that wasn't quite true but he didn't really care to re-explain.

"Is it bad?" Ashton asked. "What happened?"

Luke swallowed. Luke nodded.

Silence stretched out endlessly like a highway in Kansas, all straight and flat and featureless.

"But I bought breakfast!" Luke blurted suddenly, forcing a smile across his face. "Flapjack bars and coffee from a vending machine!"

Ashton stepped back and let Luke come inside.

x

For his second year of A levels, Luke was taking the three subjects he had started on in his first year--Music, English and Statistics. He was coming in at the beginning of the third term, so he would have to play catch-up for a while, but the fact that he wasn't taking too many courses would help.