Façade

idk. i'm sorry.

if i told them that i felt the way i felt without any outside influences, would they believe me?

i mean, look at me. i haven't really been bullied much in my life. no one's treating me horribly. my family's still in one piece. from an outsider's perspective, i have everything and more.

so then why do i feel this way? why?

i mean, yeah, i'm talking to people i shouldn't be talking to every day, but they're not cyberbullying me. they're more, cybersupporting me, i guess you could say.

and yeah, my family's not perfect, but then again, neither am i. but we're not completely broken apart.

i'm not getting bullied at in school. no one's saying super rude things to me.

i have clothes on my back, and every single day, i get food and water and a place to live. i get an education.

no one's pushing me around. no one's directly hurting me.

it's just me.

"what's wrong with you?"

"what problems are you having in life? why are you acting this way?"

"why aren't you acting happy anymore?"

"what's gotten into you?"

"why are you not talking nicely?"

i wish i could answer all those question. but i can't and i'm sorry.

everyone i've ever snapped at or been rude to, i'm sorry. if i've ever come off as offensive to you, i'm sorry. if i've ever been a downright jerk or bitch to you, i'm sorry. if i've ever done anything to you to hurt you, i'm sorry.

and to all you people who i know physically, all you people i hope will never read this, i'm so sorry for everything i've done or said. i'm not a good person; i neither act like one or claim to be one. and i'm not going to change, at least anytime soon, so once again, i'm sorry.

i'm sorry for everything.

i'm sorry.