Façade

they're taking over

sorry 'bout the formatting but i don't have the effort to fix it

they're monitoring everything i do now

everything

what websites i go on

my emails

what i'm doing on my laptop

where i do my homework

everything

every day

i get home from school

i do all my homework on the dining table

with them watching

i do my online homework on my laptop

with them coming over every few minutes and checking what i'm doing

sometimes, when it's not too risky

i go onto wattpad

switching between windows isn't so fun though

they think i'm like this because of the books i read

i'm not allowed to read anymore online books

i need to show them the physical books i read

they asked me if i have any social media

i'm not allowed to have any

i said "no," of course

they said they have their doubts

they asked if i have online friends

people i'm talking to who i don't know in person

i asked them why they would think that

they said that they i'm talking the way i do because of the influence of others

they're so worried about predators

both online and in person

but especially online

and it's understandable

they don't know about the boys in my grade sending nudes to girls and asking for pics

and how one of them was someone i had almost all my classes with

one of the "smart kids"

to another one of the "smart kids"

they don't know about how earlier this week, some members of the eight grade boys soccer team sexually harassed a female ref

they don't know any of this, luckily

because if they did....

i guess these are the things they expect me to tell them

i'm hiding things

i've built up walls

i've been threatened too many times recently

being sent to a boarding school here

being sent to a boarding school in another continent

being put into the foster system

being kicked out of the house

apparently i don't have the choice of not talking nicely

i need to have a pleasant attitude

i need better behavior

i need better choices

i'm sitting on the dining table

that's where i have to sit every time i use my laptop

so they can see what i'm doing

i don't have my phone

it's taken away from me

i can't be on the internet and not be in front of them, basically

they're monitoring my life

they're chaining me to life

they're the ones who gave me life

but they're also the ones who are shattering my life

-----

oh and also, i was on my mother's phone a few days ago and i saw that she has this very familiar app. "why do you have a wattpad," i ask.

"i had heard that it has good stories but there wasn't really anything."

she doesn't know that both her children have a wattpad

one hasn't had any activity on her feed since february

the other can't live without wattpad

-----

hi

missed me?

probably not

i've still been on recently

just with me switching windows every few seconds

how have you people been doing lately?

hopefully better than i have

also, i figured out what my worst sport is. ultimate frisbee.