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tension levels

my tension levels keep skyrocketing

for starters, i'm pretty sure i failed my geometry test today. aaaaand, it's probably worth a large portion of my grade, and if my grade drops a few percents, it's a c-plus. and a c-plus is basically a failing grade in that class. you need at least a b to continue. there was this one problem i wasn't able to do, and it wasn't even the geometry i was having trouble with; it was the algebra. yeah, it doesn't help that i can't remember half the things i learnt in algebra  last year. i've done pretty badly on all the quizzes leading up to this test. like i've gotten at least four points off. my geometry teacher basically gives us textbook problems to do and she expects us to figure it out on my own. the kids at my geometry table talk whenever she's explaining a problem, and they don't really understand anything either, but then they go home and figure it out. day before yesterday, we had a quiz, and we were going through this review packet before it. no one really understood anything, but we all had to take the quiz anyways. i was raising my hand before the test because i had questions on some of the things, but then she was like, i'm done answering questions. we're taking the test now. and that was a four problem quiz, like the one we took last week. the problem with four problem quizzes is that each question is worth a load of points and if you mess up on one of them completely, it's like twenty percent of your test grade is destroyed. so the quizzes and tests have been on proofs; the problem with proofs is that they're very dependent on logic and wording. so if you have a nitpicky teacher like mine, there's a good chance you'll get points off on stupid things. so rip my geometry grade.

and here are somevery fun conversations i've had in the less than an hour i've been home.

so my mother was like, "you know there's a software that shows me every keystroke you make on your laptop, right? i can see who you talk to and what websites you go on and everything. when i download it, i won't tell you."

"i don't have a heart," i say.
"you do," my mother says.
"and how do you know that?"
"you're always crying," my sister intercepts.
"when you get angry, it shows you have a heart. and when you love your mother. and your internet friends," my mother adds.
"i don't have internet friends," i deny.
"yeah sure," my sister says.
my mother said something or another, but i can't remember what exactly she said. like she's mentioned me having internet friends before, but like, i had hoped that she'd dismissed that thought.

"you know you're doing a lot of wrong , right?" my mother says.
"your opinion of what's right is different than mine. morals are our sense of what's right. your morals are different than mine."
"there are similar set of basic morals everybody follows."
"no there isn't."
"respecting your elders, talking nicely to others..."
i deny that. and don't get me started on the whole respecting your elders thing....
"well you're mine, so you have to follow my morals."
"i'm not yours."
"keep telling yourself that. until you're twenty-one, you're mine. you have to follow my morals and do what i say."
and she brought up the twenty-one thing in an argument that happened just now (like while i was typing this.)

"nobody in this house has done anything to deserve any of this."
keep telling that to yourself, mother. keep telling that to yourself.

"you just keep overreacting."
you think i don't already know that? you think i don't know?

"and one more time you say you don't care what i care about, just wait and see what happens."
i'm tempted to...

right now i'm just listening to "6/10" on repeat at a volume that's waaay too loud for me, but i'm still not able to drown out my mother's lecturing completely. i wanna go to my room but i don't want to stop listening to music because that'd mean i have to face the silence and/or my sister.