Therapy || l.t.

Prologue: Weak

Prologue: Weak

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The sound of the clock makes me even more nervous, just reminding me that I don’t belong here. I fiddle around in my chair some more, still not able to get comfortable at this god damn thing. Once I’m done with that, I pick at my nail buds, wanting anything more than to be here. I know that I’m just annoying everyone here, but I don’t think they understand how hearing their problems makes me feel. I thought it was a good idea at first, but now I thoroughly regret it.

I don't need this help.

Well, maybe I do, just not like this. I just don't want to put my problems and feelings on display for these lame pathetic people like they do for us all every other day. Obviously I come here often. There's a damn meeting three times a week and I've come to every one of them for a month. I don't really have a good reason for why I come here when I despise it other than the fact that I don't feel alone anymore.

Pathetic, right? It's just relieving to get a break from my problems and listen to others and just realize that I don't have it so bad when it feels like I do. Who knows, maybe I'll even make friends one day?

"Jayden? You going to speak with us today maybe?" Our group therapist, Ms. Lowell, asks me. She brushes a piece of her perfect black hair behind her ear, her brown eyes piercing mine. She normally skips over me, but today she seems to have grown a pair. I just roll my eyes, narrowing them at the middle aged woman. Why she'd want to do this as a volunteer, I have no clue. I mean, she doesn’t have a perfect life herself. Her marriage crumbled after the affair that her husband had so I wouldn’t want to be reminded by that every second of every day. That and plus. this job would be absolute hell.

"Do I ever speak with you guys?" I remark, leaning back in my seat. Jesus, I sound like a brat. I never used to be this bad. It's all because of....him.

"Oh c'mon. You've probably heard us complain about our problems a million times. Why're you even here if you don't want to talk?" Bob, I know very original, says from across the circle. He runs his hair through his brown, almost balding hair. His stories kind of bad. He was an alcoholic so his wife divorced him and took their kids. He’s getting better though so maybe he’ll have a chance at getting them all back together, but I know he feels hopeless about the situation by the way that he comes here every day.

I know how that feels.

I shudder, knowing that I'll have to relive my memories someday. I was really hoping that that day wouldn’t be today, but it looks like I’ve been proven wrong. I’ve never been one to back down from a question ever since I gained a voice with the help of…god fucking damnit. My thoughts can’t revolve around him anymore or it’ll just break me again.

"What do you want to know?" I question. Why’d they have to ask me today? Why do I have to have such a big ego?

"Well, what're you here for?" Jillian, a nice petite blonde girl asks from her spot next to Ms. Lowell. She's kind and caring towards everyone, but has some bottled up stress and anger she gets out by talking to us ever since her parents kicked her out. They didn't like that she was rooting for her own team. Stupid if you ask me.

"I'm weak," I respond truthfully, allowing the dark thoughts to encompass me again. They're just being voiced to other people for the first time instead of just myself. I hear a door open behind me, but I don't care. People are always coming in late and my mind is swallowing me whole, me still not having the strength to stop it, again.

"Doesn't seem that way," Calford smirks. He's sitting next to me. His problems aren't that bad other than he wants to lose weight and can't stand the dramatic teenagers at his university. Not too bad in my opinion. I'd swap my problems for his any day. I just round my eyes at him.

"You guys all think that I'm this cold hearted bitch that has no friends, but in reality that's all wrong. I mean, yeah, I have no one anymore. But I'm not this super strong person you all think I am. In fact, I may look angry all the time, but god dammit this is hard to explain. Basically, being alone without a person to care for me has made me a weak, pathetic piece of shit that cries whenever people aren't around and struggles when people are. The books have got it all wrong," I tell them, leaning back in my chair like a bad ass, contradicting my words for them. They don't know they struggle between my inner self that's going on right now. Nobody would anymore.

"What makes you think that you have nobody for yourself Jayden?" Ms. Lowell asks me, leaning forward on her chair. They're probably surprised that they're even getting this much out of me and truthfully, I don't blame them. It's not my fault they've never tried.

"It's a long story," I almost shudder, memories of everything invading my thoughts. I blink away the tears, not wanting them to see me this weak. It's about time that I finally had a break down though, but I'm afraid to share my innermost thoughts that only he knew, with these people that are practically strangers. If I could tell him, then I can tell anyone though. He doesn't have anything to do with me anymore and I need help. I am strong enough to admit that.

"We have time sweetie," Ms. Lowell tells me, attempting to be comforting causing me to glance at that damn ticking clock, noting that she's right. We have hours and to tell them everything, I'll use every second.

"Well. It all started when I was a little girl," I begin captivating their interests, intrigued by what secrets I've been keeping from them.

~~

A/N: Italics are present tense while normal font is past. Just a heads up. And basically if you didn't understand this prologue, she's at a group therapy session. I hope that you're really excited for this story, but I'd recommend that you don't steal my ideas. I worked on this story line for quite a while and it'd be nice if it stayed mine, thank you. Love you guys. Chapters do get longer, this is just quite a short prologue.

Alex xx