Therapy || l.t.

Chapter 9: Understanding

Chapter 9: Understanding

Eventually, we find ourselves in the kitchen. I miss Louis' arms around me, comforting me, but I'm not sure why. I want to do something for him to show how much I'm thankful, but all I know how to thank specifically Blake by is to provide sexual favors. I don't think Louis would appreciate that all to much, not that I am in shape to do that at the moment anyways.

I watch as Louis gets out a pan, us deciding in the bathroom that we should have dinner. Fettuccine Alfredo is what we decided upon, learning quickly that it is a favorite common food for the both of us. I haven't had Alfredo in so long that my mouth is watering at the thought.

"Do you have internet?" I ask as he puts the pasta in to boiling water. I can't help but admire his back. Even through his thin tee, his muscles can be seen.

"Um yeah. Why?" He asks as he turns around to look at me.

"I feel as if I'm going to be staying with you, I should help out. I want to get a job, but I need to fill out applications first. Obviously, I'm in no position to go look around so I was just going to use my cell phone," I blush. It's also part of me claiming my independence. It's part of me better bettering myself. I'm tired of letting people rule my life.

"You really don't need to," he says as he opens a can of sauce.

"But I'd like to," I tell him. I'm not going back on it. It's what I need to do. It's what I want to do.

"If you really want to," Louis sighs in defeat. He doesn't want to push me considering my episode from only moments ago. I just watch him. I'll give half my check to him and keep half of it to save for a place of my own. Sitting at the bar stool, I already start thinking of places where I could work. I really think life is going to get better. I won't let it control me anymore.

I watch as Louis cooks our meal. I'm fascinated by every move he makes. The way that the veins in his arms protrude as they flex while he stirs the food. I notice his concentrated face as he focuses so much on such a simple meal. I'm grateful for this man. He makes small talk with me as he cooks, though I'm not really focused on it.

I can't help but let my thoughts wander back to the hospital. He said he had a friend like me once; is that why he takes care of me so? Did he/she go through the same things I have been through? Does he feel like he owes that person? Is that person the one who loaned him the car? Or is that person possibly the one whom's face is on the many frames covering his home? Is this person the Nina lass he once told me about? I don't want to jump to conclusions, but the more I let me thoughts race and wander, Nina seems to fit the shoe more and more. How else would he know to hold someone so tiny like that? Surely it would've felt awkward if he did that to a larger male then went to a smaller female like that, right? I find myself wanting to know more and more.

"How much would you like?" Louis asks from the pot of food. He has two bowls in his hands.

"Not too much," I say. I'm hungry, but I know my stomach can't bear that much. It's a working progress. Louis nods and gets some for me, somehow making sure it's the perfect amount. It makes me even more curious if Nina was how he knew. I can't resist asking.

"Is Nina your friend that you mentioned at the hospital?" I ask. He definitely seems taken aback and tenses at my question. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. I mean, curiosity killed the cat.

"She wasn't the one who loaned me the car," he clears his throat. Part of me just wants to play dumb and act as if that was the only friend he mentioned, but curiosity is a sick son of a bitch. It's this weird thing that consumes your body, leaving a burning hole in the pit of your stomach, something only water can put out, also known as the truth.

"I meant the one like me," I whisper, looking down at the bowl he placed in front of me. I don't find it more interesting than the conversation I've cooked up, but it does mask my embarrassment. I really am not the brightest.

"Oh. Uhm. Yeah," he says after a long moment. He's leaning on the counter, staring at his food as well. I knew it, but I don't have the fire quenched. I feel guilty and want to know more.

"What happened?" I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see his expression. I already know it's going to be one mixed of pain, confusion, anger and happiness. He always seems to think of her with a smile on his face. I notice him staring at photos of her all the time.

"We fell in love. She was in a situation like you, but I ignored her at first per say. I didn't see the signs. Once I did though, I stayed out of it and didn't want to bother her with pestering though I later found out that she wanted me too. We eventually went to the police and he went to jail. Nina moved in and things were splended until we uh. Well until she got pregnant," Louis tells me. I notice the way that his eyes are teary. Is that way he's taking such good care of me? Does he feel like he owes it to Nina?

"What do you mean up until then?" I ask. Im not afraid to look at him anymore. I don't think he could ever hurt me after hearing this story. All I see now is a sad little broken man of someone who I didn't meet.

"Well, the pregnancy was great. She had no problems, no weird cravings. We were maybe four months in to the pregnancy around this time. We were eating at our favorite restaurant when she said something didn't feel right. Next thing I knew there was a lot of blood and screaming. We rushed to the hospital and she gave premature birth to our child. She was a stillborn..what's even worse though is that I had to deal with the pain on my own since Nina passed during birth. Everything I had to look forward to was taken away from me in hours. It was like moving to a place where the sun doesn't shine anymore. When I saw you, I don't know. It was kind of like light shinning through a crack. I knew I could make things right again and I just had to try. I know it's dumb and pathetic. I know that we barely know each other, but I think you need this just as much as I do," Louis admits.

I watch his expression carefully,  understanding where he's coming from completely. I just don't know where this will lead to in the future. I surely can't stay here forever especially once he feels like he's fulfilled what he owes to Nina. After all he's done for me though, I guess I owe it to him to allow him to help me. He finds peace in that and I have no right to take that away. He really did mean it when he said I didn't owe him anything. That doesn't mean I'm still not going to try. I need to become stable on my own, dependent on myself and not men. Not anyone.

"I am terribly sorry you had to endure that ordeal. I'm happy to help in any way that I can. I'm glad that you're starting to heal. For your peace of mind, I will allow you to continue helping me just until I can get back on my feet. You're a kind man Louis," I tell him. A smile appears on his face at my declaration. It's a smile I suddenly find that I would cross oceans just to see again, a truly beautiful and content one belonging to someone whose known so much heartache and pain, something myself can relate too.

"Thank you. You can stay with me until then," he offers.

"Thank you," I say, reaching out and setting my palm on top of his. I squeeze his hand, understanding him a lot more now.

"Let's eat and take a break from the sappy stuff today, yeah? We could watch Family Guy again, I own every season," he blushes a bit.

"I'd love that."