Therapy || l.t.

Chapter 19: Time

Chapter 19: Time

My mind is racing.

I'm in a wheelchair at the hospital, much to my acceptance. My back hurts and I don't want to stand. The nurses are staying calm as the push me to a birthing room, leaving Zayn, Carmin and Louis' family in the waiting room. This is it. Even the doctors think that this is the real thing, not fake labor pains. I'm officially going to be a mom even though I knew it when Doctor Howard confirmed it for me. I actually get to meet her now though, no barriers between us.

I look to Louis, who's silent though I know he's worried. I want to reach out and comfort him, knowing how hard this must be, but I recieved quite a bit of new information from his family, secrets that I wasn't aware that he was hiding. Who is this man that I'm really having a baby with? Is this right?

Of course it's right. I love him and he loves me. That's all that should matter, but so many factors play in. I'll just have to have a proper conversation with him when I'm in a much better state. Right now though, I need his comfort almost more than he needs mine.

"Louis?" I whisper after the nurses leave the room, telling us where gowns were so I could at least change in privacy. I'm standing now, trying my best to remove my dress on my own.

"Yeah baby?" he asks as I pull him from his thoughts. He sees my struggle and helps me slide it off. He's obviously surprised by my choice of no bra today, but it's proving to be handy as of right now. Louis grabs the gown and I slide my arms through the holes, him tying it in the back. I pull my hair out of it's confines, tying it up in a bun as well, knowing that this is going to get messy. I then take a seat on the bed with much difficulty, slipping off my panties.

"How are you holding up?" Louis finally asks as I'm lying down, trying to catch my breath.

"I'm scared," I whisper.

"You have nothing to be afraid of. Everything is going to go perfect," he says, but even I know he isn't convinced of that himself.

"I heard it's a lot of pain. I'm going to need you," I tell him. I'm not lying either. If I don't have him with me then there is no way that I'll last this. I'd have no motivation and I'd be alone, so very alone. I need his support, telling me that I'm going to be okay and that I won't end up like Nina.

"And I'll be here Jayden, always," he tells me and my heart swells. I know I have another topic to bring up with him, one that I've been avoiding until this day. He needs to know before this officially happens.

"I need you to promise me something okay? If an ultimatum occurs, you need to pick our little girl okay?" At this point, Louis is obviously getting worked up as he loves me, but I know this is a possibility we need to consider. "I've lived my life out and it hasn't been so great. I'd rather our baby get the chance for a good life than for me to keep walking around and bearing my mistakes. Carmin is good with children, she can help and I'm sure your mom would be willing to as well. I'm so proud of you and I just want you to know that. You're the strongest person I've ever met and I love you so much." I'm nearly in tears at this point as I squeeze his hand, another contraction shooting through me.

"Stop talking like you're not going to make it," Louis tells me. Before I even get the chance to respond, a doctor enters, but it's not one I'm familiar with. This one is another male, his hair black and eyes blue. I suddenly don't feel comfortable at all.

"How's the happy couple doing?" he asks as he takes a seat on a stool.

"Other than the contractions, good," I attempt a lighthearted joke, but the pain keeps coming and going.

"How bad is the pain on a scale of 1-10, 10 being unbearable?" he asks me with a flashlight in his hands.

"Right now? Probably a solid 6.5," I tell him.