Star Wars: Rebels of the Stars (COMPLETED/BEING EDITED)

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Slowly Suffering

I was sitting by Z's bed in the small medbay in the ship, which was barely big enough for Gor who watched his little human brother from outside the room.

He was asleep. He was still healing, the healing tissue of the new scar from my saber a rose red color.

I was clutching two fistfuls of fabric of my cape, shaking as I held back tears.

He was alive, luckily.

"Hey, Mi, why don't you go get some sleep? I can watch him." Anoles suggested, coming in.

"It's my fault...."

"No, Mi, it is not your fault. It was just a mistake...."

"HE ALMOST DIED ANOLES BECAUSE I COULDN'T STOP MY SABER!" I snapped, my head looking to her as my tears fell, slowly streaking my face red.

"Mira, it is not your fault..." Anoles hugged me tightly. "You have to stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong..."

"But I nearly killed him Anoles..."

"But you didn't. Mira, go get some rest.... Please... You have been awake for three days straight."

I looked down. "Alright. I will sleep. I just have some things to do first." I got up and started walking out the door, as I looked back at Z, tears streaming down my face as I silently cried.

Holding my lightsaber in my hand, I went to my room where I had a training dummy installed for practicing.

I powered on the green dual blades, and felt the Force in me conflicted.

I attacked the stand with all my power and strength.

My body hurt all over. My legs hurt, My arms hurt, even my head hurt. But nothing hurt as much as my.chest. Desperate for some form of relief I sought out every solution. Ignoring what had happened, working through it, using it to fuel strength. But nothing seemed to work. It took me a minute or two to gather my composure, but conflicting thoughts still plagued my mind. I stopped to massage my temples and for a moment tried to block out all the pain in order to press onward. However, there wasn't much I could do. Instead I merely went on with my day the best I could, trying to swallow the pain whenever needed. And it seemed I had to a lot.

The pain flared once more and every muscle in my body tensed up. Straining to keep standing I waited for the pain to subside once again, as it has done hundreds of times before. The pain became disorienting and it started to affect my judgment, but despite this or perhaps due to this, I still continued onward. It took me a minute or two to gather their composure, but conflicting thoughts still plagued my mind. Maybe Steix was right. Maybe I was meant to fall to the Dark side.

Tried as I might it seemed impossible to relax completely, to tell myself that I was good. That I wasn't going to go to the Dark side. I was unable to block out the pain entirely.

A sharp pain struck my chest from deep within. I had almost killed him. One of my hands reached for the stability of a wall while the other clasped my chest in agony. My entire body told me to stop what I was doing, stop and find relieve from this soul destruction like feeling.

I was exhausted and unable to focus. While it would be possible to block out the pain, there was no way to block out the exhaustion of the many sleepless nights of worry. But I desperately kept myself busy with mindless tasks and chores, staying by Z's side, but nothing really helped to ignore the pain.

I felt more tears streaming down my face, as I let go of the wall and slid to the floor, crying like a little baby.

I felt two strong arms wrap around me, as I looked up and saw Wen.

"It's ok Mira. It's going to be ok." He whispered and hugged me tightly as I sobbed in anger, relief, sorrow, and conflicting emotions.

Just wishing for the pain in my heart to go away. 

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AN

Sorry for the late chapter! Wifi was acting up!