Unpredictable - l.h.

20

"Ash? Can i invite the Janoskians boys over for the party?" I question my brother/best friend. Yesterday i moved in. Today we're having a party.

I haven't talked to Luke since Wednesday. I don't know why.. I've tried texting and calling him, but i got no answer. And i can't ask the boys because they would think something's up between Luke and I.

"Sure, i guess so." Ashton replies and places the cups on the table. I pull out my phone and call Jai.

"Hey Maddie Baddie." I smile at Jai's nickname for me. "Hey Jai, do you and the boys want to come to our party in a half an hour?" I question. I hear some yelling, "Of course! But Daniel, James and Beau can't make it. They got sick from the last challenge we did.." He laughs. "Cool! I can't wait! I'll text you the address." I say and hang up.

I walk to my new room and find my outfit. I'm wearing a black floral shirt and high-waisted black shorts. My hair is curled and styled perfectly. Jem, Hayden and Everest sent me a picture of their outfits earlier. They look amazing. I text Jai the address before pulling the shorts up my legs.

Jai responds with a smiley emoji.

Is Luke going to be here? Will he hug me? I mean we can still act like friends. I always hug Calum and Michael. "Maddie! Jai and Luke are here!" Calum yells. I know it isn't my Luke. It's Jai's twin brother Luke. I'll just call Jai's brother Luke, 'Luke Brooksey' or 'Luke B'. I run out into the living room and hug them both.

"Hey lads."

"Hey Maddie." Jai smiles and hugs me tight.

"It's already seven, people should start showing up." Ashton says right before someone knocks on the door. There isn't going to be more than fifty people here... Yes it will be crowded but it's about the fun man!

Ashton opens the door and greets the people. He then walks back where our rooms are and leaves me, Calum, Jemima, Luke B. and Jai alone with the other people. Music is already playing and i'm snacking on some chips.

"Gimme some of those!" Luke B. smiles and steals a few chips from my hands. "Hey! Get your own, asshole!" I laugh and open the door. Everest, Mikey and Hayden all walk in. "My secret lover!" Mikey exclaims and runs to me.

We all laugh as he hugs me tight. Everest walks up to me and i put my hands up and shrug. She smiles and hugs me. Of course we all know Mikey is joking...

"Maddie? Can you come here real quick?" Ashton calls from the hallway. I excuse myself and stand up. Ashton is standing in front of my bedroom door. He pulls me into my room and holds my journal out in front of us. "What is this?" He asks and flips through the pages coming to a thing i wrote.

"I wrote it last year when i was really depressed..." I confess and look at the poem thing. It's called Accidental Suicide.

"sometimes the world hates me.

sometimes i hate me back.

i care too much about my parents to kill myself.

to leave that burden with them would be like a second death to me,

to leave them with nothing but bloodshot eyes,

to leave them with empty space,

to leave them with the idea that they could've done better.

i want to somehow survive a plane crash

but pass away in the hospital room from an

allergic reaction.

i want to fight off a shark

but get pulled in by a surprise tide

and get lost at sea.

i want to die an ironic death purposely,

i want the world to help me commit accidental suicide.

but this is only sometimes.

life is kind of like a shakespearian play.

is this a comedy or a tragedy?

will i get married or die before i get the chance?

i'm not juliet, though.

​romeo is my occasional existential depression,

but i'm not juliet.

o romeo, romeo! wherefore art thou romeo?

i will not call out for something i know is only trouble.

i will not die for something that i know is only temporary.

i will not be naive like juliet was.

i will not succumb to death.

not purposely.

maybe accidentally."

"Maddie, why would you write this?"

"Why were you going through my stuff?" I question. I knew i shouldn't have left it on my nightstand... "I'm sorry, i was making sure your door was locked so no one could get in. It was sitting there..." Ashton says and looks down.

"I'm sorry i read it, but why didn't you talk to me about this?"

"I wanted to, but i was scared. I forgive you, but can we please go have a good time?" I smile and hug him. "Of course. Let's go." He replies and pulls me from my room. I go back to our group and smile.

I wonder when Luke is going to be here... As if on cue, Luke walks in... With a girl by his side. He has his arm around the girls waist and he has her pulled close. She is absolutely gorgeous. Way better than me.. Luke leans over and whispers something in her ear making her blush and laugh. Pain strikes through me and tears well up in my eyes.

The pain i feel now is worse than any pain my mother made me feel.

Our eyes meet for a few seconds and my heart stops. He doesn't seem fazed by my hurt expression. He doesn't make an effort to remove his arm from the supermodel-looking woman by his side. Someone taps my shoulder and i look up to see it was Michael.

"Are you okay?" He whispers with a worried expression. Part of me knows he knows something is going on with Luke and I. "Yeah, why wouldn't i be? It's not like we are boyfriend and girlfriend anyways." I say and make eye contact with Luke. And i meant it. I don't want anything to do with him anymore. His eyes flash with pain and he gets a worried expression on his face but he doesn't move.

"I need some air. Actually i'm going to visit Lauren and Harry." I say to everyone.

"Want me to walk with you?" Jai asks. I nod, "Yes.."

(A/N: Ahh!!! Drama!

I don't think i'm updating again tonight.. I think that was 4 or 5 updates in one day!

But yeah, surprisingly i'm actually tired.

I love you guys!

Please give me some feedback!

~Melodee xx)