Not A Couple

8. A dog or a cat??

It is not easy to hide behind a smile,
With everything you have, you need to strive.
There is always a lingering pain in your heart,
Strong enough to break you apart.
At such times there is a person you need,
Someone who will not let you bleed.
One day you will overcome this burden,
When you shall start singing like a verdin.
All you have to do his hope,
A Prince Charming will help you elope.
Then there will be no pain,
And happiness is what you shall gain.

Deep, muffled noises woke me up in the middle of the night. As soon as I heard them, I rushed out of my room and started walking in the direction of the source producing them. I figured that it was coming from the kitchen. The only thought running through my mind was Let her not be crying. Please for the love of god let her be happy. She was sitting on the kitchen floor, photographs in her hand, redness in her cheeks and water in her eyes. She glanced up to see me. Our eyes locked together for what seemed like an eternity. My hazel orbs drowning in her shining grey ones. Her face looked as pure as the heavens.
"Jane," I said in my husky morning voice. It's so different in comparison to my normal one that it's difficult to believe it as my own. Being a grown-up makes your voice bad. I never had such problems when I was young.
"Bin!! I miss him. A lot" she answered
I moved over to look at the pictures in her hand and realised who she was talking about.
"I know you do"
"I ...I wish I could meet him" she said, her voice breaking with every word. I felt a lump forming in my throat. Seeing her like this, so broken and in a war with herself made me want to rip my limbs apart. I wanted to comfort her but I knew that nothing was going to work. Time was what she needed to overcome such feelings.
"You can not meet him Jane and you know that," I said covering her body with mine as she tried controlling herself. I felt her clenching her fists holding onto my shirt trying to get some comfort out of it. She did not want to let her tears out.
"Crying will help, you know"
The moment those words left my mouth, her pain took her over with greater force and the muffled noises transformed into that of howling.
************************************

It's been half an hour since I found her crying and now she is a lot better. She was missing him. I know she misses him every day but she tries not to show her grief. I could ask her not to pretend but pretence is what keeps her going. If she does not do what she does, she will enter a world of agony to never come back.
"Why?" She said bringing me out of my reverie.
"What why?" I asked confused.
She scrunched up her nose. She is probably having a fight in her mind to decide if she should continue with the topic or not.

"Why don't you leave me? I am sure you don't like waking up in the middle of the night to find a pathetic girl who does not seem to stop crying"
She said giving voice to her doubts.

"Cause I am your best friend and that's what friends are supposed to do. And secondly, you are not pathetic. You are amazing just the way you are." I said tactfully adding the lyrics of two of her favourite songs.

"You basically recited the lyrics of Just the way you are and Count on me. Anyways, what I was trying to say is that I don't want to worry you from now on. Please just leave me for your own sake."

"You know you don't mean it," I said somewhat hurt by her request.

"You really know me very well, don't you? Yes, of course, I don't mean it. You are the only constant in my life. I fear someday you will get tired and will leave. That is why I want you to leave when I am asking you to. This way, I will be able to blame myself for you not being a part of my life"

"I won't go away, ever. Don't you dare think about it again? Alright?"

"Why don't you understand Bin? I am holding you back. You have an amazing life in front of you but here you are stuck with me"

"Nothing is holding me back. Not you, not anyone. I am a writer and I write stories. Your life only inspires me to write more. Understand?"

"Hmmm. So you won't leave me?" She said, hope glinting in her eyes.

"No, not today, not ever"

"You know what Bin? I want to smile and laugh genuinely. All I do is show my happiness when the reality is that I feel hollow inside"

"You can be happy. It's you who is holding you back. You have to let go of your past"

"Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a psychiatrist when I talk to you. Let go of your past and stuff. Really, where do you learn this from?"

"That's my girl. Back to sarcasm, huh?". She smiled. "Nice. To answer your question, my characters also have tough times in their lives and this is what their friends say to help them"

"Then your writing is rubbish. A person is defined by his past. Every moment we have lived and every decision we have ever taken has brought us down to this particular conversation. Sooooo....no, we can never let go of our past"

"You really are mature for your age. By the way, I have an idea" I said smirking.

"What?"

"Tomorrow, I am going to get you a pet. What would you like? A dog or a cat??"

"Why would you buy me a pet?"

"Cause it will help you overcome your pain. For the second time, dog or a cat??"

"You really have to ask this?"

"I know you are a cat person but getting an approval is never a bad option"

"Robin" she scowled trying to say, How can you even think of buying me a cat?
It's nice to see her different expressions.

"I know I know. A dog it is then"

A grin formed on her lips and I returned the expression effortlessly.

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