Lost in the City of Angels

Chapter 16: Where did you go?

Chapter 16

No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave. No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breathe. No matter how many nights did you lie wide awake to the sound of the poison rain.

Where did you go?

Where did you go?

Where did you go?

Those were the first words I heard when I woke up. Jared was singing the lyrics to me, crying and holding my hand.

“Jared”, I said.

He looked at me and it seemed like he had just saw an angel.

“Isabella”, he said and started crying even louder.

“Don’t cry, my dear”, I said cause I couldn’t handle seeing him crying. Especially when I knew he was crying because of me.

“Don’t you know how it felt like to find you hanging from the roof?... I thought I had already lost you. H-how could do it? H-h-how could you thought that nobody would miss you?” Jared keep repeating the same things and his tears were streaming down his face.

“Did you find me?” I asked.

“Yes. I found you under 5 minutes of hanging. Thank God. The doctor said that if I would have came just few minutes later you wouldn’t have survive because of all those pills you took”, he answered  but he said the words slowly and he took long pauses between them.

In that moment I was sure about one thing: Jared wasn’t killing me. He was saving me. And the one who was killing me was myself.

“When I found out that you were cheating on me and many other things were going on at the moment I just couldn’t handle it. I was a coward”, I said.

“C-cheating? Don’t tell me that you watched those gossip news shows again. You tried to kill yourself because you believed them?” now he raised his voice a little bit but he was clearly hurt.

“Isn’t it true then?” I asked.

Jared stood up and shook his head: “I can’t believe this”.

He sat down on another chair. A little bit away from me. We didn’t say a word in an half hour.

I didn’t know what should I say. We were sitting 2 metres away from each other. I looked down to the floor. He didn’t say anything. I raised my head a little bit and I saw him staring at wall.  His eyes didn’t move. They just stared. He breathed heavily and he had his hands on his knees.

“Jared, I’m sorry.”

Another tear was coming down on his face.

“It’s just…it makes me feel so bad that the love of my life tried to kill herself because of me. I have always known that I am a jerk and I can’t do many things right. But having you in my life made me think that maybe I’m not such a bad person. You have always supported me and never let me down. The thing that I’m most sad about is that I didn’t even notice how awful you were feeling”, he said.

“You’re not a bad person. You saved me. Person who saves another person’s life can’t be bad. The one who drove me to do what I did was me. My mind. Not yours”, I told him meaning every word I said.

“Promise me that you’ll never leave me again. From now on we will be lost in The City of Angels together”, he said looking at me right in the eyes.

“I promise”, I said crying.

Jared stood up and came to sit next to me to hospital bed. And soon he was already lying in the bed with me, his arms wrapped around my body. Then he whispered to my ear:

“Don’t cry. Come here”.

Those were the first words he ever said to me. But I wouldn’t let them be the last just yet.