Smeraldo •|| J.JK

Chapter 13

It was just a few more hours left before Jungkook's surgery. I told my mom about it and she comforted me through the phone. She said she'll try and visit us here if she has time.

I was spending the last few hours just beside Jungkook. I knew how he was trying to be strong. He even managed to crack a few jokes as I playfully traced little circles on his arm.

"The guys will come here later. But I guess they're gonna be late. They won't make in time before the surgery." I said. He nodded and suddenly grabbed my hands. His hands were cold but I didn't mind anymore.

"In case I don't make it, I just want to tell you-"

"Don't say you won't make it please." I looked away. He heaved a deep painful sigh.

"I'm just telling you." He snorted. I frowned and he suddenly ran his pale long fingers along my cheeks. I shivered.

"Then don't." I said desperately.

It hurted like hell. To live in a world with Jeon Jungkook is a world not worth living in at all. To think that there isn't a guy like him, in all his glory, to think that he doesn't exists, hurts my heart in a way that I wouldn't know what to do if he was gone.

I unconsiously hopped down the bed and sat down at the sofa to clear my head. The sudden movement suddenly brought a familiar pain in my head but I couldn't care less.

"Soomin. I'm just being honest with you. This is the reality. This is me. I'm sick. I'm not normal. I tried to be normal for you but I can't. You don't know how it hurts, to see you and I can't be normal for you." He suddenly blurted out, with an obvious tone of bitterness and pain in his voice. The way he called himself. That he isn't normal. It sickened me.

How could he? How dare he say that he isn't perfect for me? Doesn't he know, that he already is.

"Stop saying that. There's nothing wrong with you. Please don't say that about yourself. You have no idea how I would give up everything for you." I said still not looking at him. He chuckled darkly, almost taunting me.

"Please. Do I look like there's nothing wrong with me? Look at me. I'm useless. Soomin it hurts. It hurts because, I want to be right for you. I want to go to school with you, while holding hands, I want to feel how to carry your bag and help you with your homeworks. I want to take you out on dates, just walking in the park, or even just stargazing at night. I want to do a lot of things with you. But I can't. I don't even know if I will live after this. I can't even promise you that." He suddenly started to get mad at me. I sighed in pain.

"You don't have to do those for me." I said and felt my head throb as I stood up. Is this how it's gonna be before his surgery? I felt hurt to realize that this will be his last memory when he wakes up.

"This." I placed my hand on his hands and squeezed it tightly. I leaned down and ignored the pain which was building up in my head to peck his lips. His lips tasted nothing like the medicines he took. Only faint cherries and musk.

"This is perfect for me. I hope you realize that." I said and let go of his hands. He stayed quiet as I walked out of his room. When I was out, I covered my face and felt small tears brimming up in my eyes.

That took me long enough. To realize that this isn't just puppy love or just some crush.

I was scared. Scared that he'll be gone. And I'm more scared of what I will do if that happens. My fear made me sure of one thing.

I was in love with him. Deep. Like I can't be pulled back anymore. From the moment I saw him, I knew that there was something about him that will pull me in. Like a magnet. And I can no longer be pulled back.