Destined

26.

Jayon had stared at me for awhile with a puzzled look on his face. I hadn't spoke since he gave me back my bracelet.

My chin sank in between my arms and I stared at the ground for awhile.

"Dj, when were you going to tell me your real name?" He breaks the silence.

The sounds of my tv were the only thing I wanted to focus on, but of course that was difficult knowing I had him in my presence.

"Dj," he calls me.

"I don't know Jayon. Honestly I wasn't planning on telling you," I say.

"Why not? Your name is beautiful. It fits you perfectly. Why aren't you proud to wear it?"

I look at him, rolling my eyes. "It doesn't fit me perfectly. It's stupid,"

"I've never met a female with the name Dessence, ever."

"Just because it's a rare name doesn't mean anything. Fuck you and all of the females you've ever met. I don't care,"

He stares at me blankly. "Tell me why you don't like it,"

"The 2 most important people in my life are gone now. The 2 most important people that gave me all the meaning to that name are gone, and I know they're never coming back," I tell him. My voice is calm, serene almost.

"Your grandmother...and who else?" Jayon sits close to me, pushing a braid from the side of my face.

"My dad," I say. "He left after my grandmother died. I was 13. He left me when I needed him most," I begin to play with the ends of my braids.

Jayon began to rub my back, tilting my chin up to face him. "Your Dad is crazy for leaving your life. It's not your fault."

"But he was the main one telling me how important and special I was to him. He always made me feel like I had meaning, like my name had meaning. He would always make up little stories for me, naming every strong female character Dessence. When he left me Jayon, I felt so broken inside. I felt like I did something wrong for him to be so quick to leave the people who loved him more than anybody else. I felt like everything he told me was a lie. And my grandmother, she would tell me my name meant such great things. She would brag about my name more than anyone else. She admired it so much and I never understood why," I take a long pause from talking, trying my best to stop from tearing up again. "I never wanted to be called Dessence, but when they made my name seem like it meant something, I grew to it, I actually liked it for a while, but them leaving me made me realize that I never should have given myself a reason to like it. I hate it,"

Jayon seemed to be lost for words. He didn't know what to say and I completely understood why. He was stunned by how much I had finally been able to open up to him.

"Look at me," he speaks. He wipes tears from my face with his thumb, tracing the little lines I had under my eyes. "No matter what, I won't ever leave you. You can always count on me to be here with you, and for you," his voice gets lower. I intertwine his hand with mines, smiling at his words. Even though he could have been whispering sweet nothings in my ear, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

He lowers his hands away from my face while our fingers were still held together.

"Let me make you feel better," he tells me.

I don't say anything. He reads my silence as an invitation to start unbuttoning my pants. He keeps eye contact with me to make sure I understood what he was about to do.

I nod, eagerly screaming inside of my head. I knew he was going to pay me back for what I did for him in the car, but I didn't think it would be this soon.