Promise Me | Book Three

Chapter Thirty-Two

Eren's POV

I don't think I've ever felt so fucking shit in my life. My head is throbbing, the insides of my fingers are bitter cold which isn't complimented by the warm air at all and it feels like I've had my internal organs stewed.

The only things I can really move are my eyes and that's enough to see that I'm in a room I don't recognise. I hear fire crackling beside my head -- I'm lying on a sofa.

Juniper enters the room as if on cue and to my surprise, Armin is right behind her.

I try to form a hey, but it's like my voice is gone.

"Quite a fit you had there, Jaeger," Juniper practically bitched. I lower my eyes; I can't really sigh right now.

She let out a nasal breath and crouched beside the couch I'm laying on, sprawled on more like.

"I'm sorry, kid. I know how much seeing that hurt you..."

Bringing those thoughts back makes my eyes water and it feels virtually impossible to hold in the tears anymore.
I already made myself look like a little bitch enough, crying now is probably expected of me at this point.

"Do you... Still want to-"

"What's the fucking point?" I manage to croak out.
"Mikasa... Loves someone else now, right? She's fine without me, all I wanted to do was guarantee her safety and she's clearly sa-"

"Eren, are you shitting me, right now?"
I didn't expect Armin to say anything, especially what he just did—I look up to him.

"You're just- giving up on her now? Your wife? You can't let what you saw stop you."

"You're the one that's shitting yourself, Armin," I begin. "Did you even see the video? She's with some other guy, that's not me. She's moved on. Besides, there's no getting up there without one of us fucking dying, it's fucking pointless!"

My voice is so raw, it doesn't sound like mine at all. But, to be frank, I don't feel like myself either.

The expression on Armin's face suggests shock and disappointment.

"Juniper told me what she told you whilst you were out and I already agreed on being the bomber. We're sending that message as soon as you recover and we are getting Mikasa back before the opportunity passes and you regret it. I know that Eren, in a better headspace, would never give up on her."
Armin's voice raises in volume with every word he speaks.

I sit up from the couch and pull my feet over to meet the floor, burying my head in my hand.

"Armin... You don't get it, do you?"

I meet his eyes with mine.

"I don't see what you're not understanding here. Let me put it into perspective for you," I commence.

"You know Annie? Leonhardt? I knew you liked her and I never fucking got that, but that's besides the point."

I see his eyes begin to sour at the mention of her name.

"Right, so- so, you liked her annddd she fucked up and you just had to move on from her, right? Because she was an endangerment to our entire race. Now, tell me, Armin, the point at which I told you to ignore all that and try and get her to fuck you anyway because feelings."

"Eren, that's enough," interrupted Juniper.

"No, no, no, it's not. He needs to get the message."

I stand up from my seat, sore but uncaring about it. I make my way towards him slowly.

"So, tell me, what makes you think I want to risk our lives trying to save a woman who's clearly changed priorities? Who's sucking someone else's dick?"

Armin places a hand on my chest.
"Woah, Eren, that's a bold accusation to ma-"

"Is it though?! I mean, heck, if I was up on Utopia with a hot guy and no problems in the fucking world, I'd fuck him too! Not to mention, the way that they were kissin- oh... That was something."

Just thinking about it makes my eyes and throat burn—the hot tears are rolling down again and I cannot help it.

"She's forgotten about me, Armin. Maybe it's time I do the same."

There was a brief silence and then a massive clap: the sound of Armin's palm against my cheek.

It fucking hurt and it stings, throbs, even.
I place a hand on the area and look at him straight in the eye.

"Eren, you're hurt, emotionally. It's tearing you apart and I know you'll end up doing something you regret later so you need to snap out of it," he says bluntly.

"You put it into perspective for a minute. You have no idea what's going on up there. After studying the media tendencies, it's very likely that they set shit up and market it as reality television. Who's to say Mikasa is not in on it? She was let in Utopia for a reason, and without you for a reason. They're looking for the best way to make a profit out of her and a love triangle is exactly that. She's probably looking for the best way to survive up there and you more than anyone should know how loyal Mikasa is and how much she loves you. She wouldn't do that without reason and I'm going to bring you up there and you're going to find her."

I feel more tears form in my eyes and more fall from them and I can no longer stay quiet about it as I let out gasps and moans as the emotion become overwhelming.
Armin wraps two arms around me and rubs my back.

"We're getting her back, buddy... We're getting her. You'll see her again."

I wrap both my arms around him and I squeeze as I attempt to stifle my cries, but to no avail.

"I'll call the shots," Juniper states. "Be ready by sunrise."

Pulling away from Armin, I try my best to press a smile and give my thanks. Armin nods and rests a reassuring hand on my shoulder before he starts taking his leave.

"I'll get my things."