I'M SORRY (Daniel-André Tande)

Part 2

2.

I was holding the necklace Daniel gave to me. It said always. He said he'll always love me no matter what. But everything was just a game for him, I didn't mean anything to him and I didn't realise that until it was too late. I put the necklace back to my pocket.

"Do you know Danny?" Melissa asked me while the last jumper was preparing for the jump.

"Kind of," I said, I was trying to hold my tears in my eyes. I was afraid she was going to suspect something so I turned around.

"You should meet him. He was dying to find out who are you," she said and looked at me with her blue eyes. They were sparkling, she really loved him.

"He was?" I asked her not expecting and answer

I was playing nice and didn't tell her about my past but I was afraid that when she'll tell Danny who I am he'll realize that he already met me. First round was over and guys were coming to us. I was hoping Andy or Markus would come faster than Danny. I was kind of lucky because they came at the same time but as soon as Andy saw me, he ran to me and hugged me. He took me inside their cottage before I could meet Danny. He was worried about me but I assured him that I'm okay. He didn't really believe me but he didn't bother me again.

"Don't tell this to Andy but Danny asked about you," Markus suddenly said and sat down beside me

"Let me guess, he didn't recognize me," I said and looked at him. I raised my eyebrows and he smiled.

"He didn't. So, I told him you're my girlfriend," he said and laughed. It was funny but it still hurt a little bit.

"Eisenbichler! Du bist ein..." I started but didn't end the sentence. Now he raised his eyebrows and I smiled.

"Was?" he pretended he didn't hear what I didn't say. I started laughing and after few seconds he joined me.

"What's so funny?" Andy suddenly asked us, we both stopped laughing and looked at him.

"I told Danny that Sophia is my girlfriend," Markus told him.

Andy looked at me. I knew what he saw in my eyes. Pain. Even though it was funny it still hurt me. Danny was still the one my heart loved. He was still the one I was faithful to. I saw how Markus left and Andy sat down beside me. He didn't say anything for few minutes.

"When I saw through how much pain you went when Julia went crazy, I promised myself that I'll protect you from everyone that could hurt you and I failed. I didn't realize I failed until mom called me and ask me to come home because you were becoming like Julia. When you told me what happened I wasn't reasonable. I told mom that you're becoming Julia. She asked me to take you with me, to help you get better. But what is better? You aren't crazy, you just started dancing. You dedicated your life to ballet, that's not crazy. That's what I thought until today. I realized that if I wouldn't take you with me I'd never see you again. You know why? Because if you'd continue with your schedule you'd lose yourself, you just wouldn't be you anymore. I know you love him and I won't stop you from that, I can't stop you. But please before you do anything stupid think twice because once you lose yourself there's no way back," he said and left the cottage.

I sat there for few minutes and thought about his words. He was right, I would lost myself. I stood up and went outside to get some fresh air. Everybody already went back and so I was alone. It was cold outside, too cold for October.

"Looking for someone?" I heard a voice. Melissa. Her hands were in her jacket's pockets and she was looking directly at me.

"No, not really," I said and went to her. She was different than she was before.

"I really like you, Sophia. At first I thought you're not that nice. But today I realized that you're really nice," she said and we went for a walk

"Well, thank you. You're not that bad either," I said and we laughed. We were walking quietly for few minutes.

"Are you going to be at all games?" she asked me and stopped because Danny was jumping. I didn't talk until his jump was over.

"Yes, probably. You?" I asked her and looked into the crowds of people cheering up each other and the ski jumpers. They were trying to scream as much as possible, they wanted be noticed by their favourite ski jumper.

"I don't have a choice. Johann asked me because he's afraid for Danny," she said and smiled

"How long are you two together?" I asked her to make sure he didn't cheat her with me

"Six months," she said and I was relieved. Me and Danny met in Lillehammer in November last year.

"Are you older than Andy?" she asked me and started walking again. I followed her.

"I am," I said and looked at the clock on my phone. 6.54 pm. Just a half an hour, I thought to myself.

"He's so protective like you'd be younger. It looks like he's afraid he'll lose you or you'll lose yourself. Sorry I'm not making any sense," she apologized and smiled at me

"It's okay. You are making sense. He's a little bit afraid that at one point he won't be able to protect me anymore. It's a little bit annoying," I said and we stopped.

I was afraid that I'll lose myself too. That at one point I won't be me anymore and I'll just go crazy. I didn't want to end up in a mental hospital like Julia did. She was my everything. My light in the night, my fire in the snow, my life. She helped me through the darkest times and then she left. Maybe it was my fault that she went crazy. Was my fault that my sister went crazy? What if it was? Should I be in the hospital instead of her?