I'M SORRY (Daniel-André Tande)

Part 26

26.

"You expected my call?" Daniel asked as I accepted the call. He knew that Stefan already called.

"Shouldn't I? It was obvious. I'm sorry because of Melissa. I liked her," Itold him and heard a laugh on the other side.

"That's not why I called. I called because of the same thing as Stefan did or will, I'm not sure," he said with his voice serious

"You're late. He already called. You could already lose all the chances," I joked a little bit

"But I didn't? I still have the chances," he predicted

"I'm going to tell you the exact same things I've told him. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to date either of you. I'm not ready to date anyone. And yes, I'll call you when I'll be ready and if I'll want to date you," I explained to him as I explained to Stefan before

"Why do I feel like that you're going to chose him?" he asked me

I stayed quiet because I had no answer until it clicked.

"Because of what you did. But I can choose you too or neither of you. Don't make any conclusions because even I don't know," I answered his question

"I guess, I'll just have to wait. I just want you to know that I love you and I never stopped loving you. I loved you even when I loved Melissa. I always loved you more. I just wanted you to know that," he said to me

"You know, I always loved you. You know that. But I always loved him too. I'll go now because the water is cooling down and I don't want to bath in cold water. Goodbye Daniel," I told him

"Goodbye, Sophia," he answered and then canceled the call

It wasn't easier nor harder. It was pretty much the same. With Daniel ,we joked around and with Stefan, we had that emotional conversation.

I kind of lied to Daniel, the water wasn't cooling down yet but I was just too sad and angry to talk to him or anyone else.

I turned off my phone and got out of the bathtub. I wrapped myself into the towel and looked into the mirror.

Was I who I wanted to be? Was I the same girl as I always dreamed to be? Was I good enough?

I shook my head and looked away from the mirror. I was thinking too much again. I was thinking about ending my life again but I couldn't do it, not now.

I dressed myself and put on the night gown.

I went back to the living room and looked outside. It was dark and the stars were sparkling on the dark sky.

Suddenly I felt the urge to step outside. To step on the balcony and to look at that stars. I opened the balcony's doors and stepped outside. It was cold and I felt how wind was breezing. I looked up and saw thousands of stars on the sky then suddenly I saw how something flashed across the sky. A comet. I closed my eyes and made a wish.

I sat down on the chair beside the table that was on the balcony and observed the view of the side. Every building I saw was shinning. I liked living in a big city but I also liked peace. I had impossible wishes.

I slowly got up and went inside but before I stepped in, I turned around and whispered goodnight my baby. Then I stepped inside and went to sleep.

I woke up in a cloudy morning and without any kind of joy. I ate breakfast and packed my things, then I went to training.

It was a routine to me already, wake up, eat, go training, come home, eat, go to sleep. I was training the whole day and didn't even have time to do anything else.

I was trying to get to the level I used to be at. And I was making big steps towards it. Though, I missed something, someone. I missed someone that would wait me at home every day and would do things instead of me because I was lazy.

I missed my mom.

Sh ewasn't here and I couldn't call her because I wasn't ready to talk with anyone about the miscarriage. She would force me to talk about it but I just wasn't ready.

I went home a little bit earlier than I planned because my legs were hurting and my toes were bleeding.

It hurt so much when I had to drive home.

I was used to the pain but this time I just didn't have the energy to push the pain away. I felt like there was too much pain that I've already pushed aside.

I thankfully came home safe. I put on some ice on my fingers and some plasters. I laid down in the living room and turned on the TV. There was a show that talked about ski-jumping and the athletes. There were interviews with them. With Andi, Markus, Stefan, Kamil, Daniel...

"I've heard that you're single now, Daniel. Are you really single or is your heart taken as there are some rumors?" the report asked Danny

"I am currently single but all I can say is that my heart is take by someone I can't currently have," he said and then there was already a new interview with Johann

It hit me more than I imagine it would. The season was coming to an end and I was going to have to chose.

I loved them both more than anyone and they both loved me. It was just a hard decision to make.

People say we only love once in our lives but I wasn't sure I agreed with that. I loved Stefan and Danny. I loved Danny first and if I wouldn't fall in love with Danny, I wouldn't meet Stefan. Everything was connected somehow. It was a triangle. A love triangle and I was the one that was going to have to break it.