I'M SORRY (Daniel-André Tande)

Part 19

19.

Days flew by, weeks flew by, competitions flew by. Nothing changed. Okay maybe the tension that was in the room at the dinner and breakfast changed. Danny and Stefan were actually talking to each other without killing each other. Melissa came back and I'm not sure if Danny told her anything but she didn't tell me anything.

We were in Engelberg when I first after along time I felt like me again. It was a relief knowing that somewhere deep inside of me there was Sophia from years ago.

We just came from the dinner and I was alone in the room watching television when my head started to hurt. I thought it was just a headache and I didn't pay attention to it until I had to ran to the bathroom because I thought my stomach was going to explode. I threw up the whole dinner and probably everything else I ate in a day. It took me a minute to breathe again after I threw everything up.

"Sophia? I thought we had a deal?" I heard Andi behind me. He thought I forced myself to threw everything up.

"It's not like that Andi, I don't feel good...." I started but stopped and threw up again. I felt how Andi held up my hair.

After another round of throwing up I washed my mouth with water and laid down on bed. My eyes were heavy and Andi was just lying there beside me, hugging me.

When I woke up I felt like crap. My head was still hurting and I saw that Andi left. I got up and went to the bathroom. I didn't just feel like crap, I looked like crap too.

I brushed me teeth but it was pointless, fewseconds after I threw up everything again.

I went to lie down a little bit and was just staring outside. I was thinking what was going on. Maybe I just ate something like that. Yeah, it was probably that.

It was snowing outside, snow flakes were falling from the sky slowly. Almost unnoticed. There was no wind, it was calm outside. Calm but cold.

While I was lying there on the bed I noticed a lot of things. I saw Markus rushing to the hotel, I didn't see from which direction he came from but suddenly he was there.

I heard how someone opened the doors to my room and slowly came in. I didn't turn around, I knew it was Andi.

He came around the bed and sat down on it beside me. He moved my hair, that was falling on my face, behind myear.

"How do you feel?" he asked me concerned. I looked into his eyes and shook my head.

"I feel awful. I really feel awful," I said and closed my eyes.

"I asked Markus to go to the pharmacy and get some pills. For headache and things like that," he said. That's why I saw Markus going to the hotel earlier.

"Thanks," I thanked him and drifted away.

I was falling. Fast but slow. It was hot but cold. It was dark but light. I didn't feel anything except the pain. It was like someone would be stabbing me. I touched my body with myhands. I didn't see anything but I felt something wet on my legs. At first I thought it was water but it didn't make sense. It was blood. Then I felt something wet on my face. It was coming from my eyes. Tears. I was crying. Why? I had no idea.

After that I felt indescribable heat. As I'd be burning. I opened my eyes and saw white ceiling. I looked around and saw my room. I got up and looked down. I was okay. I wasn't bleeding or anything. I was okay.

I sat down on the bed again and took a deep breathe. I dug my face into my hands. My heart was racing and I needed to calm down.

I saw a glass of water that probably Andi left and pills beside it. I took one pill and drank water on it. I didn't eat for the whole day but I wasn't hungry, I didn't have appetite.

I didn't want to sleep anymore, I put on my jacket and shoes. I went outside even though I didn't feel okay. I knew I was hurting myself but I needed to get out of that room. Out of the nightmare.

I was wandering around the city, it was cold and dark. I knew the way to the hotel but I didn't want to go back. I pulled out my phone and called my mom.

I counted how many times it rang. Once, twice, three times. Then she picked up.

"Sophia, darling? Is everything okay?"she answered to my call. I wanted to answer her but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

"Sophia?! Sophia?! Are you there? Sophia?!" she screamed to the phone. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"I'm fine. I don't know why I even called," I said and quickly canceled the call.

I turned around and went back to the hotel. Without stopping or looking at anyone I went to my room and lockedmyself in it. I knew Andi had the keys but I didn't care. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried.

I heard someone knocking but I didn't answer. I knew what was going on. I wasn't sure but I kind of knew. I didn't want it to be true. I wasn't ready. I didn't want to believ ein my theory. It was stupid. I was stupid.

I looked at mirror. My make up was totally ruined and I didn't recognize myself anymore. This wasn't me. But who was I?

I cleaned my face and brushed my hair and went to the room. No one was in it. There was just a note. I recognized Andi's handwriting, it said: when you're going to calm down, call me. I love you. Andi.