I'M SORRY (Daniel-André Tande)

Part 11

11.

I didn't go to the qualifications but I went outside. I couldn't stay inside because it was killing me so I went outside. It wasalready pretty dark when I was going back to the hotel.

I heard men catcalling as I walked by but I didn't pay attention. I was at a street that lights weren't working good when someone grabbed me by my wrist. I turned around but didn't recognize the face. The man pushed me on the wall still holding my wrist, I tried to get away but he was too strong. I felt his lips on my neck and I tried to push him away so bad but I couldn't. I felt how tears started scrolling down my cheeks and then how someone saved me. As soon as the man was far away from me I felt better but still awful. I stared into dark not hearing or feeling anything. Tears were still scrolling down my cheeks and I felt how someone hugged me. I cried in the person's shoulder and couldn't stop.

"It's okay," the person whispered, I recognized the voice but didn't care. I just wanted to disappear.

I felt how the person backed off and looked into my eyes. Everything happened just so fast and suddenly we kissed.

"I can't," I said and pushed the person away. At that moment it was just too much.

"I just want to get back, please," I said and took the phone out of my pocket. I called Andi and asked him to wait for me in front of the hotel.

The person walked me to the hotel without saying anything. Well, the person left before we got to the hotel probably because of Andi. As soon as I saw Andi I ran to him and hugged him. I cried into his shoulders and didn't know how I got into my room. Andi was calming me down and when I finally stopped crying he asked me what happened. I explained everything to him from the beginning but I didn't name the person who saved me. It wasn't that I was ashamed of it, I just couldn't believe that the person actually did that.

"Sophia? Why won't you tell me who was the person that saved you. I'd like to thank him or her," Andi said while I was in the bathroom

"Because of how you would react because I know you would find that person and ask him if he was following me," I explained to him. I heard how he took a deep breath.

I went to shower and tried to get the feeling of that man of me. I was still a little bit scared and when I put on the shampoo on my body for the third time I stopped. I let the water running but I sat down in the bathtub. The water that I was in was quite hot but it didn't matter to me. I hugged my knees and let the tears to fall down my cheeks. I sat there for few minutes until I heard someone knocking on the doors. I didn't move because it wasn't on the bathroom's doors, someone knocked on my room's doors. I heard how Andi went to open them but didn't pay attention to the conversation between Andi and the person or the person's voice. I sat there for few more minutes until someone knocked on the bathroom's doors. I didn't answer. The person knocked again. I stayed quiet even though I was pretty sure the person heard me crying through the water.

"Sophia?"I heard a voice, a man's voice. I recognized it. It was Stefan. I didn't answer him but I heard how he came in because I forgot to lock the doors.

I didn't look at him when he came in, everything just hurt too much to look into his eyes. He came closer and I felt how he slowly moved my hair from my face. He was looking at me without saying anything. I was staring at the wall, tears were still falling down my cheeks and for the first time in my life I felt ashamed of myself. I felt dirty and not good enough, I still felt the man's hand tightened around my wrist and I couldn't let go of that feeling.

I still saw the face of the person that saved me clearly in my head. As I closed my eyes I could still feel the person's lips on mine. It was so wrong but so right. I still remembered the smell of the person when I was in his hug but when I thought of his name I felt more awful than I ever had. The way the person saved me was the way the person hurt me the most. Maybe being raped was all I needed in my life. At one moment I thought that being raped would be better than what was my ending now. But I let go of that thought pretty fast. I was wondering how one person could be happy in the morning and depressed in the evening, now I knew.

As Stefan's hand touched my shoulder I felt the man's lips on my neck. Minute by minute I felt more awful. It was like someone was stabbing me in my stomach. I heard how Stefan turned off the water and how he kissed me on my cheeks but I didn't react. I felt how he took me out of the bath and how he wrapped in into the towel but I still stayed quiet. He hugged me and let me cry into his chest. I felt safe. Really really safe.

"It's okay, love. It's okay," he whispered and hugged me more tightly. I stopped crying and just enjoyed the hug for few moments. I told Stefan that I have to change and he went back to Andi.

When I was finally dressed for bed I looked at myself in the mirror again. I felt uglier more than I ever did in my life. But I stepped outside into the room. I saw Stefan and Andi sitting on bed not speaking just staring in front of them. I turned off the lights in the bathroom to let them know I was there.

"How are you?" Andi asked but regretted it. How was I? I had no idea. I knew I wasn't okay but I didn't know how I was.

"Danny," was the only word that came out of my mouth and they understood what I said.

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A/N

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was really happy already on Friday when Daniel won the qualifications and made a new record. Then he won at the game and the next day he became A WORLD CHAMPION!!! This person is absolutely the best person on the world and I am really happy and proud that he's my idol.

But today's competition was awesome. Norwegians are WORLD CHAMPIONS, so Danny's taking home 2 GOLD MEDALS. And I'm so happy for the Slovenians. I'm happy to see them smiling again. CONGRASTS TO ALL OF THE JUMPERS AND TEAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats to Maren Lundby, too for winning today (and friday). And this is not the end. My fav alpine skiier Lara Gut won today!! I'm so happy she's recovering after an injury. Congrats to Kristoferssen for beating Hirscher today! And congrats to Slovenian girls for being second team yesterday and winning the first podium for SLO girls team!

Thank you for reading and lots of love....

A. S. T.