Cuts (punk harry styles)

I dont deserve to live

I wake up stretching my arms over my head, and tried to move but a pain shot up my legs. I slowly get up out of the bed and begin wobbling around the room as if I am a penguin. The pain slowly starts to go away, but is still there. It feels as though someone is staring at me, I turn around and notice Harry is awake staring at me. His lips are between his teeth so he can't laugh at me.

"Oh shut up styles." I say trying my very best not to laugh

"I'm sorry it's just funny."

I look at the clock on Harry's dresser and it reads 5:30.

We have been sleep for some time now and my stomach begins to growl, but I'm not really in the mood to eat.

"Let's go make something to eat." Harry suggest

"No thanks I'm not really in the mood to eat." I say nonchalantly

"Really Carly your stomach just growled what do you mean your not in the mood, I will make you eat."

"Uggh whatever." He pulls my arm and places me on his lap, kissing my neck.

"I will do whatever I have to do to make sure you are ok, even if it means changing myself for you." He then places a kiss on my nose, I stand from his lap giving him a fake smile and heading toward the door.

No one can change me, and Harry could never change either. My mind has already done too much harm for me to change. I have told myself numerous times how much I hated myself or how much of a nobody I am. I wonder why I am even here, why I breath. I am not worthy enough to have a life to live. Why can't I just take the pain away and not be another waste of space. I am nothing, not supposed to be here. My tears stain my face leaving a trail of sadness and unworthiness. I'm not meant to be. I am nothing but a depressed girl who tries to tell herself she can make it but knows deep inside she never will.

"Whats wrong why are you crying babe."

"Listen Harry you think you can help me but your wrong, the damage has been done and there is no fixing. I am a fucking loser, a nobody, I do not deserve to live any longer nor do you deserve to have me as a burden on you. Everyone thinks I can survive but I am weak, I can't move on, I know I am dead and always have been. My life is a living hell and I know I can't move on. If I die I will do everyone in this world a favor.

I walk out of the room and head straight to the kitchen. I open the drawer with the utensils and grab a knife. I look straight into the living room and see everyone sitting there and their eyes are on me. I run the blade along my fingertips and slowly rise it to my neck and hear a few gasps. A lonely tear rolls down my cheeks and I know my life will be over soon and I will no longer have to suffer. I close my eyes and I hold my breath, beginning to press the knife into my neck.

A large hand grabs the knife and throws it to the ground.

"What the fuck is your problem." Harry screams through the house

"It's my time to go Harry now let me fucking finish what I started."I say though my teeth.

"No no no." Harry says with his hands in his hair tugging at the roots

He raises his hand and slams it on the counter top, his breath short with his chest quickly rising and falling.

"Your making me mad, out of my mind." He says pacing back and forth

"See harry this is the problem I am ruining your life, I have nothing else to live for, I minds well end my life now and it will be less I have to go through."

"Think about me Carly, what about me, what will I have to go though when you leave?"

"That's the thing Harry you care about yourself and how it effects you, listen I always knew you could never handle being in a relationship because you always come first."

"What the hell are you talking about Carly I love you more then anything and your calling me selfish, you were about to kill yourself and didn't think about me."

"Well we all have problems don't we Harry."

I begin to walk toward the front door I turn the knob and open it. I turn around and look toward Katrina who is crying with tears streaming down her face in Niall's arms. I turn back toward the door and walk out, the dusk breeze hits my face as I walk down the stairs of the house. There is a light drizzle. Rain hits my face as the voice enters my mind again telling me I should have killed myself when I had the chance.

.........

KATRINA POV:

Carly just looked into my eyes and then left. I still can't believe she tried to kill herself right before our eyes. Tears still fall from my face, she was my only person I considered a friend. I loved her and I don't want anything to happen to her. Harry is walking around the room, tugging at his hair.

"We have to do something." I speak up

"there is nothing to do." Harry states

"Your a selfish bastard harry." I say standing to my feet

"You don't deserve anyone." I say

" I'm going to help her." I walk toward the door and open it looking in both directions to see if I spot Carly.

I spot her long blonde hair and begin to run, I catch up to Carly and grab her wrist. She quickly snatches her arm away and begins to walk a little faster.

" Carly it's only me, Trina."

She turns around her eyes blood shot. She throws her arms around me and I wrap my arms around her waist.

"Carly I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you, you have to believe me ok."

She turns back around and walks away again.

" I thought you knew me better, I don't need sympathy." She snaps

" I'm not giving you sympathy Carly I'm only telling you I care for you."

"I like lies tell me more." She says

ouch

" I'm not fucking harry I am not lying to you I don't give a damn what anyone says about you I love you and I would never lie to your face."

" ok, I don't want to talk about me anymore, I am going to the bar, maybe I can drink myself to death, you can come if you want."

She continues to walk and I decide I will go with her so she doesn't get any stupid ideas.

She walks inside of the bar and I follow her. She sits on a bar stool and I sit next to her.

"Two glasses of whiskey."she says the lady behind the counter slides us two glasses.

" I'm only having one glass." I say with a smile but she only stares at me and tips the glass back finishing it.

.........

CARLY POV:

A warm and stinging sensation fills my throat as I drink the whiskey.

"Another." I say

The lady gives me another drink and I do the same gulping it down. I feel the pain in my chest ease the more and more drinks I have. I love this feeling, it's taking me away and it's almost as good as cutting. I being to drown, my blood turning to alcohol. I begin to drink more and more as the world around me begins to dissolve, and for once I feel sane.

My vision blurs and my mind goes blank. I hope this poison will kill me, and take me out of my misery. I no longer remember anything, I only remember i don't deserve to live.

.........

Hello everyone I'm sorry that was short but I promise I will be updating tomorrow I love you all and remember you matter :)xX