As Clear As Blood (A Merlin Fan Fiction)

[34]

Fear nested within Arthur, nibbling away at his heart whenever it got hungry. It was slowly growing into this giant beast which filled up his body with nervousness, anxiety and doubt. Merlin should be here now something's happened! The hungry monster - called fear - screamed inside him so only he could here it echoing inside his head. 

Arthur had to agree, he'd been sitting in the same patch of land for hours, waiting for Merlin to stumble over to him like the idiot he was.

Maybe Merlin had already gone back, he could have easily forgotten about their arrangements to meet up, however Arthur wasn't going to risk returning to Camelot if Merlin was still out there.

He tried to convince himself he was worried about not getting the flower back, and he wants full of fear for Merlin, but his mind wouldn't seem to let him fake his feelings right now.

He clambered on his horse with speed and peeled his eyes open for a cave. Colours mashed together as he rode his horse without a hesitation, in search of his missing servant.

Merlin rolled onto his back and spluttered, he desperately hoped Arthur would return to his body after his death, he didn't want Arthur having to live in his own body because of Merlin's mistake. His stomach growled for food and he wanted to laugh at the fact thats what his body was most worried about: food. He liked to get his priorities right.

Gently, he closed his eyes feeling his body becoming weaker with every jab of pain he encountered. He couldn't really feel it much more, he'd been stabbed so many times his body had gone please numb, but he could still feel non existent wounds being formed as his skin was torn open and blood spilled out; when he looked at his flesh there was nothing there though.

------------------------------------

Arthur's heart raced all he could think of was Merlin, confusion struck his heart, why did he care for Merlin so much? Sometimes Gwen felt like a disguise, a distraction, he wasn't sure is he really loved Gwen but he hated to even think about telling her that and breaking her heart.

A cave came into view, he could see it far off woven in-between the trees. Arthur's determination plunged into him so he felt the wind quicken pace and ruffle his hair wildly.

"MERLIN!" Arthur screamed louder than he thought he ever could. "Merlin!" He stopped next to Merlin's horse, Merlin was off the path a little bit, his body was still and his breathing slow. "Merlin," he sobbed, collapsing next to Merlin. "Please," he sniffed, his hands fumbling to his neck to search for his pulse.

"Arthur... I'm sorry," Merlin croaked his voice even less than a mumble.

Merlin's head lolled to one side his breathing nearly at a halt. "No..."

-----------------------------

"Please stop!" Merlin begged, he found himself surrounded by total darkness, "just let me die! I can't keep finding myself upon Gaius' table being treated for near death! Just kill me! Please!" Tears ran down his face so his skin went red and blotchy but there was no one else there so it didn't matter.

"Just. Kill. Me!" He cried, his body tired, aching all over from his recent near death experiences.

"But Arthur?" A voice asked, Merlin jumped at the sound of it stringing itself through the air.

"Arthur does not care for me! I'm a servant -"

"Arthur cares much for you. You saw him then, he came back for you!" The voice cried.

"Yes. I suppose we are... Friends?" Replied Merlin, disappointment turning in his voice. "Who are you?"

"You cannot see me?" The voice questioned

"No, all I see is darkness and my body,"

"You do not know my voice?" The voice asked quizzically.

"No, it's too blurry,"

"Then I am no one," the voice decided solemnly.

"Arthur's got Gwen," Merlin added into the silence.

"What? So you like Arthur like that?" The voice quizzed

"No - yes - I don't know! Fine, I love him! It sounds crazy but he's amazing! Yeah! I love him!" Merlin shouts

"You love him?"

"Yes!" Merlin sobs, "but why did I tell you this? Who are you?"

"Shhh, it's ok, it's ok," the voice whispers soothingly.

"I just told you - why? I don't know you," Merlin murmerd

"Arthur, I mean, I love you too!" The voice rushed, words flooding out into the air uncontrollably.

Merlin couldn't see anything now: not even darkness, occasionally he could here Arthur mutter don't go, but he felt him self becoming weaker and weaker.

---------------------------------

"Had Merlin actually just said he loves me?" Arthur questioned the air infront of him as he checked up on Merlin.

He had - Arthur had heard him.

"And did I really tell him I loved him?" He asked, "because I don't.....I don't know!"

Maybe Merlins had just said it because he was ok, maybe Merlin didn't have a clue what he was saying? Arthur felt overwhelmed with confusion and bewilderment, he continued to pull the horses and Merlin along at a steady pace with him.

"Come on Merlin! Please!" He whispered tearfully.