Ask Me How I Know

Insecurities

Tris's POV
I look down at my food, suddenly not hungry even though I haven't eaten all day. "You okay?" Chris asks me. I nod, not allowing myself to fave the truth for what it is. Ever since I can remember, I've always had trouble eating.
"Heya," Uriah says, sitting down with a piece of Dauntless Cake and Zeke and Tobias at his side. I look down at the table, my mind going blank. "Someone's in a bad mood today," he says, looking at me.
"I'm okay." Chris tilts her head to the side, giving me a warning look. Getting my plate, I get up and walk out. In there is the last place I want to be. The sound of someone walking behind me, makes me walk faster. What? I'm a paranoid person. The person grabs my waist and turns me around. I'm about to kick at the person, but see Tobias.
"You okay?" He asks. I take a deep breath.
"Yeah, you could have said something before scaring me half to death," I say. He gives me a small smile before kissing my hand. My cheeks heat up.
"Sorry. I could tell something was wrong in the dining hall. What is it?" I shake my head, looking down. I know that if I look at him, he'll know I'm lying.
"I don't really want to talk about it." I never have. Its always been something I push under the rug and do the same the next day. He cups the side of my face, looking around is before kissing me softly.
I stumble back a little in surprise; then again I don't know why I was surprised. Maybe this is something I'll never get used to. "When do you start work?" He asks when we pull away from each other.
"Day after tomorrow at ten," I answer. He runs his hands down my arms.
"You wanna leave?" He asks. I nod, letting him take my hand and leads me down the hall. Just as we get to his front door Eric and Max come into view and stop in front of us. I've never had a bad experience with Max, but Eric is a whole different story.
"I see your still pretty bruised up from training," Max says. I force a smile at him. Eric gives a evil laugh.
"I see your still messing around with the stiff," he says. Tobias turns towards him, glaring. "You'll get bored eventually. They're not the best in the sack," he adds. Tobias's hands ball into fists. I push him inside and close the door, leaving them.
"I'm sorry about that," he says. I shrug.
"It's okay, I've gotten used to the remarks people make about abnegation," I say. He gestures for me to sit down next to him. "I'm gonna change first," I say. He nods. I walk into the room and get out the clothes I sleep in when I'm here that consists of one of his shirts and tights.
"Tris?" He says from the door. I'm about to say not to come in but the door opens. I pull down his shirt as fast as I can. His eyes travel down my child like body. He squeezes his eyes shut and looks down. I put my tights on and take a deep breath. "Sorry. You didn't-"
"It's okay," I say, hugging my arms around myself. He sits on the bed and looks up at me. "What?" I bet now that's has gotten a sneak peak of what I look like he no longer wants me.
"Why did you panic so bad?" He asks. I look down at my shaking hands.
"Umm, you know I'm scared of i-"
"I know that, but I think it has deeper roots than that," he says. My eyes meet his.
"Tobias, I don't look like the other girls here in Dauntless. I look like a child who has a mild eating disorder," I say, releasing a deep breath. He reaches for my hands and pulls me between his legs, resting them on my waist.
"Tris, I've told you this before, I don't care about the other girls. Your different to me and I like that. As for the other thing...you'll get through it. I love you," he says. My heart stops beating as those words leave his mouth.
"What?" He chuckles nervously.
"I said I love you," he repeats, making it official.
"I love you too," I say, completely meaning those words. He kisses my forehead. I relax against him, my hands pressed to his torso. "Why'd you get so upset about what Eric said?"
"I don't know. I don't like him talking down about you. Or anyone for that matter," he says.
"He's probably right, you know."
"Yeah, well we'll just have to waist and find that out for ourselves won't we? We're both stiffs." I laugh awkwardly. His eyes widen at what he said. "I didn't realize what I was saying. I mean-"
"It's okay. I think most people from abnegation have trouble with the subject." He chuckles.
"Yeah. One time my mom was talking to someone else about... That and I had never seen her so red. I think that was before things got really bad." I look up at him with sympathy, but not pity.
"Were you close to her? Before everything happened?" He nods, his smile fading.
"We were close, she was the only real parent I had. Then she left and now I hate her for it. I've learned to deal with it though, so I'm okay," he says.
"Have you talked to her since?"
"Once."

AN: Imma end it here. If you have read other stories of mine, I use the topic of eating disorders and things alike to bring awareness to it. I'm not supporting it, it's horrible. Anyways, please comment and share! Be brave 🔪🔪🔪 -Vaeh