We are Forever (Book 6 in Nemi Forever Series)

Chapter 24

Nick & I decided to not tell anyone that we were pregnant again. That meant no one. Not Marissa, even though I knew she'd be hurt, not Joe, not anyone. I knew it was going to be difficult, but I really didn't want to jinx anything. Nick called the producer & director for the movie we were filming & they decided to move up production to the end of February. I was only going to be about ten weeks along, so I should be fine. They wouldn't even have to know I was pregnant, which was another reason we weren't saying anything about the pregnancy to anyone.

I was excited about the movie we were doing. I was playing a widowed mom to a young boy who doesn't have any male role models in his life. Nick plays my son's soccer coach & he forms a special bond with my son, then he tries to break down my walls. Since my husband died so tragically, I can't bring myself to love again. It's a really sweet movie, but it's also funny. I hoped people would like it & I hoped Nick & I would have good chemistry in this movie. Our chemistry was amazing in real life, but maybe it wouldn't translate in a movie if we were playing different people.

Nick finished up Ally's album before the movie started & it was going to be released in May or June. She was finishing up some online courses, while still being a nanny to the twins. Between her & our mom, they would all be taking care of the twins while we did this movie. It was being filmed in California, so we were staying here & the kids would be close. They could come to set with us, too, which was really nice. I didn't want to be away from them for too long.

I thought about Delaney a lot, especially now that I was pregnant again. I told Dr. West about the pregnancy, which was okay, since she was my therapist. Nick insisted I tell her, actually. She had to know all the feelings I was dealing with. I felt guilty every time I felt happy about the new baby, I was carrying. I also had terrible anxiety, thinking that something was going to happen to this baby. Irrational thoughts. They were fantastic. To me, though, they weren't irrational. My therapist had to help me forgive myself for almost slitting my wrists or cutting myself after I lost Delaney. It would take time, because I thought about it a lot. I was pretty sure Nick did as well. The day after that happened, Nick took that shaving bag & hid it somewhere, because I don't think I ever saw it again. My therapist made me understand that I had a lot of things working against me when I almost relapsed. Not only were my hormones crazy, but I was grieving & my bipolar meds hadn't been adjusted at that point. Once she explained it to me a few times, I started to forgive myself & give myself a break.

Doing the movie helped me not think irrational thoughts, thankfully. Every day that passed got a little easier to deal with losing Delaney. I was accepting the fact that she was in Heaven & watching down over all of us, now. It made me feel good, eventually. I had a place I could go to talk to her at the cemetery if I wanted or I could go to our backyard & just talk to the star filled sky. Once in a while when I would talk to her, I'd feel a cool breeze on my face & no trees would move. I knew that was my baby girl. It was her way of showing me she was hearing me.

Filming this movie with Nick was better than I could ever have imagined. We had so much fun & we were both pretty amazing together, if I did say so myself. The whole production team gushed about how much chemistry we had. They were all pretty excited that maybe we'd get some awards for these roles.

I had to remind Nick often that no one knew I was pregnant, because he was always fussing over me or being protective when it wasn't necessary. I should have expected it, since he was so overbearing when I was pregnant with the twins, but I thought he had relaxed a little. It may have been because we lost Delaney, but he was constantly watching me when I was on set or asking me if I was okay or if I had eaten. One day, I couldn't take it anymore & I snapped.

Nick & I had just finished filming an intense scene, so that could be why I was already emotional. We shared a trailer & when we got inside I went to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. "You should probably eat something, Love." Nick said, holding the fridge door as he looked inside.