dear friend,
how are you? I'm a mess
so you probably know that dad and Lexi moved out a few months ago , and now they're moving back in , but dads in the basement and lexis upstairs in Elijah's old room, Lexi has been causing a lot of trouble lately and its just become a fucked up situation, I know your mad at her , her showing signs for drug and substance abuse from that child molester lady, its bloody great (note the sarcasm) mom doesn't even want her in the house cause she doesn't want to deal with her , its fucking malarkey, you've been talking to us more though, your mad at mom as well for drinking, but you've been talking to me a lot more and trying to get more sober , and you currently have 2 jobs so thats good!, but you have a court date today, for some of the things you've done with drugs in the past, and you have a possibility of being arrested , i hope you don't though, out of everyone your the one I can most relate to, and thats a bit odd but its been kinda nice talking to you when your not as high as a kite, or at least from what I can tell, I mean i never really got to experience you being a older sister as far as I can remember , but you've told me stories from when I was a small child and mom and dad were never home so you would have to take care of me , and then after lexi was born you took care of her too when they were at work or something, even though you were only 16 yourself , maybe the stress of it though, like I get watching Elijah all the time, maybe that was something that lead you to start finding relieve in abusing drugs, and especially smoking, im sorry, I didn't mean to be such a stresser for you, but at the same time, I wasn't developed enough to even remember these times, the first thing I remember is playing basket ball with my dad and his friend when I was about 3 or 4 , it was before we had moved to West Jordan, you told be the other day of a story when I was 3 and you and I were both sick and you had to stay home taking care of me, and even though we both were throwing up, you took care of me regardless, and when mom had gotten home that night , she found us both asleep on the couch, my small form wrapped up in your arms,.. I kinda would like to think what would have happened if you didn't start getting pushed into doing drugs, that, I would have somewhere to go out of the house when mom and dad are yelling at each other , or moms drunk off her ass, that I would have someone to talk to who understands ,I would have a older sister,... a sibling that for once doesn't completely despise me like lexi does, someone who doesn't think that im disabled because of my extreme anxiety and my depression, and paranoia leading to illusions and delusions that slowly drive me insane,...
