dear friend,💚🍄
how are you , i'm a mess,
so i'm going to be a senior next year and i'm absolutely terrified, i don't know what i'm going to do for college or if i'm going to graduate with how much my anxiety has grown and become more of a problem in my day to day life, i'm just scared half to death of almost everything , there are something's that i'm fine with like books, art, just things in my room , my room is safe i feel fine here, and in my loft where most of my art stuff is , but then i leave this room and i'm terrified , leh just i'm not sure what i'm going to do, there's the apartments that becca and matthew live in that i could move into and go work with them but idk, i just i need to get out of utah, i want to find a loft for me to rent for a few years maybe more and work at a coffee shop or something like starbucks or beans n brews , i would even be fine working at swig or jamba juice, i just don't know what i'm going to do,..
i also had my first taste of alcohol at age 17, half a shot of vodka and a full shot of honey whisky , leh i don't plan on having any more at all , it was fine but addiction is very very common in our family and i feel like if i had any more i would get hooked , and i don't want to end up being a alcoholic like mom, the things she's said to me while drunk, it still keeps me up at night for fear of having nightmares. i have a lot of nightmares , especially lately. i'm terrified of sleeping for waking up in a panic or remembering the dreams and nightmares like they actually happened , hypnophobia , insomnia , anxiety, not very good things to have when your 17, yet i've had them sense i could remember , leh what's wrong with me,...
💚🍄
