Dear friend , 💚🍄
How are you? I'm a mess
I absolutely hate it when I feel happy, you wanna know why? Cause every time I'm happy something happens afterwards and I completely deflate into a endless spiral of anxiety and depression ,
I went to a dance a few days ago, my first one with a proper day date , we went with a few other couples as well and it went better than I thought it would I was so nervous the week prior but as soon as the time came for my date to pick me up and take me to where we were going , I felt fine , like my anxiety left for a vacation for the day , we went to a arcade for a couple hours and it was amazing , they had retro games and me and my date enjoyed it quite a bit, then after lunch it was time for pictures , that was a bit nerve wracking seeing as I don't like taking pictures but he just made it better , he made the entire day better than I ever imagined and for once I actually calmed down enough to have fun, but that never lasts long and I'm a idiot for thinking the high I got from being around him would last, its now Monday night , and I'm shaking , I'm a nervous wreck, new classes start this week and every day I'm getting closer and closer to being 18 , and it makes me sick, like feeling like I'm going to throw up , being really hot then freezing , and constant headaches sick, I know I'm not going to last for very long after my birthday , it's a month and a half away now, and not much has changed my mind , I'm anxious constantly frankly I just feel like a burden to anyone around me , of coarse there's empty promises for things I might do after graduation but , they are short lived, I feel like I'm going crazy, more and more every day and I'm no longer interested in why , I'm just counting the days till I'll eventually be at peace , im just done ,
💚🍄
