VHope Fluffshots

Rain (Memories)

As I sat at the window and watched the rain pour down, I thought about what my life used to be; summed up in rainy days instead of sunny days.

A rainy day was how I first met my boyfriend. We were standing on opposite sides of the street, both without proper protection from the weather. The sun shone down on us, giving the rain a magical, refreshing warmth. He smiled at me, the biggest heart-shaped smile I had ever seen in my life plastered across his face. And I smiled back.

Looking back, that day was honestly perfect. There was absolutely nothing I would change about it.

The day he asked me to be his was also a rainy day. We were in the middle of a downpour, and he pulled me close and kissed me. In the middle of the street. For bystanders to see. But his hands gripped my waist perfectly and he felt so warm and lean in my hands that I couldn't be mad at him. His lips tasted like honey and lemon; his two favorite things to put in tea. It was the sweetest kiss I'd ever received in my entire life.

The rain pours down onto the well-manicured lawn outside my expensive, two-story house as I remember with a small smile on my lips.

A fire ripped through his house, destroying his family and everything he'd ever known one rainy day two and a half years ago. He called me crying and I rushed over and saw the fire trucks and ambulance outside of his destroyed house. I sat next to him on the curb and let him cry until he couldn't anymore. He wasn't the same after that.

Thunder rumbles lowly as the clouds condense. My heart feels heavy, like the clouds.

He stopped being himself after that day. Counselling, medications and fights filled our large apartment. It was storming hard as we fought one night, loud insults punctuated by thunder. "Baby, I just want you to be okay." I was crying and tired. "I'm not happy, Taehyung! My family is dead, and you don't even care! Just leave me to die!" he screamed, shoving me back into a shelf and causing me to hit my head so hard I saw stars. "No! I do care, and I'm not going to let you die! Come cuddle me when you're calm. I love you," I sobbed, then settled down in our large, cold bed. About twenty minutes later, I felt him cradle me in his arms. "I'm sorry. I love you so much, Taehyung." All fights ended this way.

My tears fall like the rain did before it starts storming; few and light. He broke my heart.

I woke up on a rainy morning exactly one year ago. The rain fell in a steady stream; peaceful. I looked over to my beautiful fiancée and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. He was ice cold, and I jumped from the bed with a scream. "No no no no no no no no no!" I sobbed as I shook his shoulders, gaining no response. The tears clouded my vision and I had to stop. "You can't just leave me here..." I sobbed into his still chest. About an hour later, I stood up and noticed the letter on his bedside table:

My Beautiful Taehyung,

I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this, not at all. But I just couldn't continue any longer. I felt so guilty for everything I'd ever done to you. If I could reverse time, you definitely know I would have. But I can't, so I ended my life. Just know I died safe, warm and happy - happy because the last thing I would see was your beautiful sleeping face. Happy because my last thoughts would be of all the good times we've shared, all the love we've made. I love you, my baby boy. You did nothing wrong; I did by killing myself.

Jaeseok will be devastated, but promise me something; be happy and take care of our baby for me. Move on and love someone who loves you like I did. Love someone who loves Jaeseok like I did. It will take time, Taehyung, but I know you'll be okay; you and Jaeseok both. Please forgive my selfishness.

All of My Love,

Jung Hoseok

Jaeseok patters into the library and tugs on my jumper sweater. He's four and the spitting image of Hoseok. I look down to him and see tears on his face. "Daddy, the thunder scares me," he whimpers, and I shake my head and set him in my lap. "'Seokie, look at the rain. It's pretty, and if you listen closely, you'll hear it singing." Jaeseok eagerly presses an ear to the window, then smiles. "It is singing!" he cheers, causing a smile to wash across my face.

Both of our tears are forgotten as we rest our heads against the window to listen to the rain's song. Jaeseok stays still in my lap while he listens, tapping his fingers on my wrist mindlessly.

I loved rainy days. I hated rainy days. But now, I have a new reason to love the rain again.

i'm sorryyyyy this gets better I promise. Happy Days!

- Tae