Possessed and Possessive (Completed)

Chapter 1: Fight for my Pride (Editing)

I have edited it a bit. Let me know if you feel its better now than before.

-S

And to the side we have Elizabeth

Also, check the trailer on the side --------------------->

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EL's POV

I am possessed!

There is no other explanation to how I feel except this. I am definitely possessed! Otherwise, there is no reason why I think about him all the time, I thought to myself as I sprawled down on my bed. I breathed in deeply as I tried to stop my imagination from running back and forth to him but doing that was equivalent to not breathing for me. Over the past few months, he is all that has been on my mind. And presently, when I am chiding myself to not contemplate on him, I am doing the opposite as I thought about his eyes.

I can't forget his eyes and the way he looked at me; that silent brooding look that made my heart go out of control, making it jump as if prompted by an electrical surge. And those smiling wrinkles on the corner of his eyes when he would realize how nervous I am with him looking at me did the same to me. If I ponder over it then I am still not sure about the color of his eyes. They seem to be grey from far away but as you get closer to him, his eyes are as green as the emaralds.Oh, God I shouldn't be thinking about him, I scolded myself yet again. But I still couldn't stop as i shut my eyes close and let my thoughts wander to his beautiful smile.

That smile of his, the smile that was only for me. And his hair, light brown and ruffled. In short perfect like him. Just like his body. I can still feel the shivers down my spine when I think of the day he removed his shirt for the first time in front of me at the beach. And that kiss. Our first kiss. My first kiss. I sighed to myself as I felt my lips tingle as I reminscinced the feel of his soft lips on mine.

I shot up on the bed, sitting straight as I scolded myself yet again asking myself what the heck am I doing?! Why am I thinking about him!! After all, he's the reason behind my misery and my falling grades. He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. Ugh! Yeah fine, I am no Taylor Swift but still he is the reason behind my wet pillows that Rhonda touches every morning and then gives me that silent, understanding look of hers. The patented Rhonda look, the look that says she understands but I might be wrong.

I got out of my bed and paced in my room thinking whether I really am wrong?!! I tdon't think so. I am so not wrong! Am I wrong?! But how could I be?! Am I wrong? But what about how I had started to feel during the last days of our relationship? The suffocation? The need to breathe? The need to do what I want to do freely? They need to have no boundaries, no cage? Was I wrong to want that? No I wasn't!, I decided as I stamped my feet in frustration. He was killing me, I protested to the jury inside me that consisted of my heart and mind. He was killing me with his love. His love?! No, that's not love. That's not how love is supposed to be? Love is supposed to be beautiful. But it was beautiful between us, wasn't it? Yeah, maybe. But love is also supposed to be carefree and understanding. Not obsessive!

And that's just what he was. Obsessive! That's the right word. He didn't love me, he was fanatical, he was fixated on me. He wanted to mark me as his property. But no way, I am a fucking, living human being. I just can't be someone's property. He should love me for who I am. But he did. He said he did. I know he did. But he should also have let me live my life. He just can't come and start ordering me what to do and what not to do!! I listened to him because I found his commanding nature cute. I did what he said because I love him.

I love him? Love? Why didn't I think in past tense? Why did I think like I still love him? I sighed to myself as I dropped my body back on the bed, tired of the battle of thoughts and frustrated of myself because I still love him. And why shouldn't I? He was the first guy to notice me, adore me, and love me. Yeah, love me. It had all felt so great, so right. Then why did we move apart?, I asked myself as i rubbed my hand on my face visibly tired of going over the same thing everyday and never reaching a conclusion. I don't understand why did we lose what we had? But I know the answer and the answer is him. He made us lose all that we loved and cherished. But I don't get why did he do this? Why was he trying to kill me?!

"Because he loved you like crazy, you idiot!!" , my conscience retorted back at me. Great I thought to myself, now my conscience will advocate him. But now the question is I contemplated as i pulled on to the blankets to cover myself, that did he really love me? I had thought so back then and he also said he did. I fluttered my eyes close as I prepared myself for yet another visit down the memory lane as I went back to the day on the beach when he had professed his love for me.

"I love you. I love everything about you. The way you quarrel with me on petty things, and then the way you smile when you win. The way you shriek when I drive too fast and the way you always sleep in the car like a baby. The way you always have to take a bite of my food and the way you twitch your nose to tell me you don't like it, even when you do. I love the way you are lost in a book and the way you laugh on silly jokes. I love how you can talk to anyone and make their day, even the janitor at school. I love you a lot. And after you I can never, ever love. Because you will be the death of me. And I still love you. A lot."

I took a deep breath and asked myself yet agian the millionth time that why can't I just forget him? I think just need to go out, have an accident and suffer from amnesia. Yes! That's just the solution for my fucking, stupid brain. And please can someone tell me since when did the brain and heart become friends? At least mine were never friends! Until after I left him.

I left him!, I said to myself to convince myself that I really did do that. Yes, I did because I had too. He was killing me, I was dying from the inside. I turned to my side, placing my hand under my cheek thinking that this is what I need to remember, what I need to keep chanting and so do both of you, Mr. Brain and Mr. Heart! I need to remember this because he's coming back tomorrow. He's going to be back at school tomorrow!! And he needs to know I am doing well without him. I am alive, normal and happy. Unlike how I had become while I was with him; dead, jealous and sad.

Yes that just about it! I am happy, normal and alive. I am me! You won't affect me anymore, I spoke to the Ed who lives in my brain, and if you will, which I know you will, I still won't let you know. You deserve a cold shoulder from me. You most definitely do. Tomorrow, you'll meet the new Elizabeth Jane Anderson who's happy and not despondent. All charged up with my decision, I decided to sleep because I need to fight back! and win the fight that starts tomorrow. The fight for my pride!