FGFF ~ Dan and Phil X reader interactive story

31

I laid there on the sofa with my head on one of Dan's pillows that smelled very much like his hair and I held up the ring and continued to look it over.
It sparkled somehow even in the dark.
It looked like it must've cost quite a bit, you know, if it was real. It couldn't have been though, it was far too big of a diamond, it would probably be worth more than I was, which was next to nothing.
There was something about it though,
He had picked this out for me. He had probably put more thought into this than anything he had yet in his life because this was important.

Out of curiosity I slipped the ring onto my finger and just stared at it a moment. It fit.

I laid there and wondered over and over what his thought processes was like when buying things, what exactly triggered him to do it? Did he worry if I'd like it? If the band or the diamond was too big or too small? Did he stress himself over buying it before he did it until he finally gave in and bought it?
Dan didn't just do things like this.
So what exactly malfunctioned in his brain to make him think I was the one?
We had a lot of differences and different views on things, his parents hated me, my brother hated him, we argue, we have weird kinky sex, his jokes got on my nerves sometimes, and my stubbornness got on his, there was even a significant age difference.
How did he just look past all of that and still pick me out of anyone to be the person he gave this ring to?

Did he even know what this ring stood for? It mean we're legally together pretty much for the rest lives, because god damn it I'm not into getting married twice.
Could I stand him forever? Could he stand me forever?
I really thought about it all.

I thought about him being too busy for me or me for him sometimes, I thought about staying up all night arguing over stupid stuff like who was supposed to empty the bin, I thought about how messy his hair looked in the morning when I wake up next to him, I thought about how grumpy he was in the mornings, I thought about him rolling his eyes at me when he gets mad at me, I thought about just simply holding his hand and how large it was compared to mine and how it felt, I thought about seeing his face if he were to see me in a wedding dress and if he'd smile or cry, I thought about angrily kicking him out of my bed with my feet in the middle of the night because our baby is crying and it's his turn, I thought about growing with him as a person and in age, I thought about always getting to see how he smiled and laughed and his dimples.

It was all undoubtedly still scary, but who else would make me as happy as he does, or as angry, who else would ever make my emotions as intense as him, no one could make me feel anything as close to the way he makes me feel. Would I ever want a boring life without all of that, without him?

Oh my god what was I saying?
There's no way I was even thinking about giving into all this right?

Definitely not right now at least.

Did I love him?
Of course I did, I never stopped.
But did I ever even want the things he wanted?
I still didn't know.

Maybe I should say something to him
or maybe I should let it all go. I just didn't want him to waste his time on me if I didn't know if I wanted the same future as he did.
I loved him but I couldn't drag him along until the time came when he was adamant about marriage and children only for us to split up because of it years from now.

I felt like my soul was being torn in half. Part of me wanted him to be happy now and tell him what he wants to hear and be happy with him, but that was only a bandage, a temporary fix and it would no doubt hurt us in the future.
The other half of me just wanted to be honest even though it would hurt now. I just wanted him to be happy in the future too, I don't ever want him to feel like his hopes and dreams and goals were smothered out or were unattained because of me.

• Should you lie tell Dan you thought about it and you've decided you want those things with him someday? Or should you be honest and tell him you just don't know and that it wouldn't be fair to be with him knowing you might not want them in the future?