I thought I was going crazy.Phil had began to disappear and somehow there were petals of her favourite flower all over the flat. I found them everywhere, in the bathroom, the lounge the kitchen and even in Phil's room,
But never in mine.I thought of it more as a sign than anything. One night Phil had come home with one on him after being at a friend's house and he thought it was just as crazy as I had and we were both baffled by the occurrence.
It felt like she was haunting me. I couldn't stop crying and telling myself how bad I had fucked up. Age, my insecurities, nothing seemed to matter anymore and seemed like such a small deal because she was all that really mattered all along.
I missed her with my entire soul and it was so hard to fall asleep without her, so I stayed awake, just as I had before her.
She had tried so hard to gently lead me into becoming a better person without even telling me I was a shit person to start with. She would never hurt my feelings like that, but look what I did to her pure soul.
The image of her crying back stage as I coldly dumped her played over and over in my mind.The worst part was, I was entirely alone.
Phil stopped staying home as much because I was an evil dick.When she had posted the video I saw from her perspective how awful I had been to her, how much she had chased me and how I distanced myself from her because of fear. I wanted to go back, but I couldn't.
I watched it over and over as I cried and tried to get ahold of Phil.
I needed someone,
Anyone.When I finally got a reply from him it was some jumbled up garbage that immediately told me he was drunk.
I felt so frustrated.
He was supposed to be my best friend and there for me no matter what, but he was out getting plastered.I became a little more frustrated and dramatic about it, and honestly I just wanted him to come home so I wasn't alone anymore.
But I deserved it I guess.I still didn't sleep that night but continued my cycle of being frustrated and then sad all night until it was late enough in the morning to call him and when he answered I breathed a sigh of relief and began to let everything out.
The phone call made me snap.
I was entirely convinced there was no other explanation for him being there other than him banging her.But he came home looking like a hurt puppy.
"I swear Dan it's not-"
I cut him off because of course I was still enraged.
"I don't give a bloody fuck! You know damn well it's exactly what it looks like."
"Dan just let me explain!"
"No. No. I don't want to hear it!" I yelled back at him and walked off from the hall where I had just been waiting on him to come home to scream at him.
He chased me into the he lounge though and gave me an angry look."Stop! Just shut up, sit down and stop! You know I'd never do that to you! You know it, Dan! If you'd let me explain already then you'd realise you're being a hot headed idiot!" He yelled at me.
I sat down on the sofa, crossed my arms and glared at him, mostly to keep from punching him.
"Yeah, I was with her last night drinking because she invited me because her brother was making her go to try to make her feel better because you basically crushed her soul! Now, would you rather me to be there to drink with her or some random guy you don't know? As long as I was there I wasn't going to let her do anything she would regret. Her brother even just left and I decided to stay with her to make sure she made it home and to make sure she wasn't up all night drunkenly bawling her eyes out! But when we got there, some random guy was sleeping on the sofa and there was magically a dog there that her brother had brought home for her. There was no other place for me to sleep so I had to sleep with her. I think it helped comfort her anyway, but I never so much as touched her. I was the caring friend she needed!"
I realised the extent of the hurt he had been seeing her go through now. And I realised he just wanted to help, but he couldn't help everyone, especially not the monster that had caused all this.
I was awful for wanting him home with me when she was the victim here. I was awful for accusing him of insane things he would never do."I'm sorry Phil. I'm very very sorry."
"You know what? You should be. You should be sorry for not stopping your shit from hurting someone who didn't deserve it."
"I am." Was all I could say "does she know you know why?"
"No. But you need to tell her and own up to all of this and maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky she'll get back with you. You should've told her how messed up you were sooner." He said and left the room with his angry comment still stinging me.
I should've. I needed help, more help than I was already getting, more medicine than I already had, just more.
At least now I knew where Phil kept disappearing off to.
But I felt like I didn't just owe him an apology.
I also wanted to just see her, talk to her, it was getting too hard not to.I thought she'd surely ignore me again like she had the last time I had tried to contact her, but she didn't.
I went in with high hopes of maybe making things better. If she was in as much pain as I was in then we would both want to fix this.
But that didn't happen.
I left feeling absolutely crushed from my soul to my body. I stood outside her door after letting her watch me cry like a baby and leave, just thinking about how and when I went wrong in there.
I heard her sob loudly from inside.
I wanted to go back in, hold her, tell her I loved her over and over and plead with her,
But I had done this just by coming here,
I had done this by dumping her,
I crushed her over and over and I knew if I went back in there it would only hurt her more and I didn't know if either of us could handle much more.So I left.
I went home to find that Phil wasn't there.
I knew he was with her cleaning up my mess and taking care of her.I still cried alone in my room because I couldn't help but feel like everything and everyone was gone now.
And I deserved it.

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FGFF ~ Dan and Phil X reader interactive story
FanfictionDan and Phil x reader interactive story. You choose what happens in situations I put you in.