FGFF ~ Dan and Phil X reader interactive story

11

I looked at him from across the table with a candle in the middle of it illuminating his face and our food.

Phil was visiting his grandparents and I decided to make Dan sort of a special dinner at his flat. I suddenly paused and felt eyes on me only to look across the table to see his brown eyes on me. The reflection of the candle flame flickered in his eyes.

"You are so beautiful." He said out of no where. "Fuck. Sometimes I just look at you and I can't look away, it doesn't matter what you're doing, I just look at you." He broke off his intense stare and words and began to eat again acting as though he hadn't even said something like that that shocked me to my bones.
"Creepy, right?" He gave a short laugh and acted preoccupied with his food.

"No." I answered still shocked that he'd say something like that, it didn't happen often.

"The food is terrific by the way."

"Stop." I felt a little frustrated again.

"What?" He asked in obviously fake confusion.

"Why did you say that and then just go so cold?" I asked.

"I'm not sure what you mean?"

"You said I was beautiful and all that and then you just... I don't know you looked at me like..." I couldn't quite explain it.

"Well you are, so?" He didn't quite understand that he had become so distant within milliseconds. I almost felt a little crazy. Was I also creepy because I also looked at him the way he described looking at me?

"Nothing." I let it go.

He spent the rest of the night on his phone as I watched a movie alone in the lounge.

I was entirely alone accepting for the napping dog on my lap. Owen was working, Phil still hadn't sent me a text, and there was no strange friend of Owen's sleeping on the couch.

It was just me
And soon to be Dan.

I couldn't turn my thoughts off, good and bad memories were flooding my brain and I couldn't make it stop.

The knock at the door came sooner than I had expected. The tiny dog jumped up and ran into the lounge emitting tiny barks.

I took a few deep breaths and got up to answer the door.
As soon as I opened it I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me.
Maybe over the past couple of days I had forgotten that he was one of the most gorgeous people I've ever seen or maybe he had just made himself look extra better than normal.
He never took his eyes off of me as I silently let him in.

We both had a seat on the couch and my eyes flickered everywhere in the room but him. But I had to watch as he let out a happy little laugh as my puppy jumped onto his lap and he began petting it.

"You got a dog?" He asked.

"Owen got me a dog." My voice cracked a little.

"What's it's name?" He asked.

"Her name is Petal."

"She's such a good little puff. What a good girl." He baby talked her and it warmed my heart a little. He never was a monster. The puppy finally settled on his lap and he was back to looking at me again.

"I'd like to start off by apologising." He began and I heard him take a bit of a breath and look down at my poodle's fluff as he played with it.
"I want to say I'm sorry for getting so mad at you and Phil this morning. I never should've accused either of you, neither of you would do that to me and I've never once worried about that, I was just angry and confused. I talked with Phil and it made sense and I realised I flew off the handle. It wouldn't matter if you did anyway, it's not my place to get mad if something like that happens, especially after breaking up with you like I did. And about the video. I was quite mad over that too at first but it's still beautiful, and I still love your art. I just ignored all the speculations as I normally do and they all just go away. I'd also like to basically apologise for our whole relationship, you were so unhappy at times and you worked so hard to make me happy and I just... I knew what I was doing." He admitted "I loved you though and that was so scary to me. How does a guy in his mid twenties fall in love with an eighteen year old and make it look okay? That's not the reason I broke up with you though, I was never ashamed of you even though I know you thought I was and I never took you to meet my family and I never told you I loved you and I made you stay home during the Europe tour, no, I would've gladly shown you off you're so stunning and charming and witty and talented. Quite honestly, I lived in fear."

I looked at him in confusion and waited for him to continue.

"I feared every day that you would just leave me. You would leave me or get bored of me because you're just eighteen and you had all these amazing qualities about you and you had more subscribers than I even dreamed of having at your age, and it was all too much. I came to a point during the tour where I told myself you were just going to leave me, you were too young to settle down with me and my bad habits and my depression and negativity. I wanted you to get the most out of your life while you were young and I'd only hold you back with my shit and responsibilities. You are just too young to be waiting on me to get back from wherever I am or for however long in there. You're too young to be waiting on anyone. You had your own channel to run anyway and I didn't want you to hurt that by taking off with me, I didn't want to hurt your future. I do love you, I just couldn't say it or really commit because I was so scared of you realising you were better than this relationship at any point."

His brown eyes now flicked back up from my dog on his lap to me and I saw that they were watering up.

I decided to say whatever I felt like and just let it out.
"Who would purposely sabotage a perfectly good relationship with their own insecurities like that? Especially one where both people could be happy? I know you're depressed and you have anxiety and sometimes it gets the best of you, but that's no excuse not to talk to me before you break up with me."

He closed his eyes for a moment and I watched the tears drop down his cheeks. This was the first time I had seen him cry, and I felt like it was killing me and ripping me apart.

"I know I'm just so so sorry. I feel like this is the worst thing I've ever done. God, I'm so bloody selfish." He sniffled. "For the record did you love me too?" He asked and I looked at his sad brown eyes a moment.

• Should you tell Dan you love him?